I don’t have my shit together- reasons I can’t control, almost all related to some very serious health issues that keep me using my energy trying to stay alive.
My worry is for my kids, mostly my younger two. Oldest has a stable marriage and while they’re currently broke, they’re both educate and have opportunities and they’re using them. But youngest is an at-home parent to unplanned children, and spouse is significantly underemployed, profoundly depressed, and seemingly unable to help himself. Drives me nuts.
My son, who is about to turn 31, makes me worry, and if I think about it too much, I cry. He’s drifting. He’s just drifting. Currently working in a bar, living with a bunch of friends in an old house, spends weekends with his girlfriend. I asked him recently if he had any thoughts towards the future, and he said ‘I dunno.’ He says he doesn’t really _see_ a future- just a big, open, nothing. This ties my stomach in knots. When he was little, he’d wanted to be an engineer or architect. Then it sort of drifted away. His whole life is sort of drifting away. And it just kills me. I’m his mom. I feel like I failed, somehow.