Isn’t it interesting how the process of change can be bigger than what’s actually changing? It takes soooo much to fill in the little gaps that hold us back, no matter how simple “it” is.
I heard this phenomenon once described as trying to dial a phone number. You can have all the right numbers, but without the right order you won’t be able to place the correct call. So then one of two things must happen. Either somebody who knows the exact sequence must reveal it to you- or you’re gonna have to keep trying until you get it right.
And in life… we usually have to keep trying until we get it right.
When I was in my early teens, I became highly tuned into the fact that I was supremely talented and intelligent. Above average in every way. In my head, I was God’s second Messiah and life (along with the people populating it) needed to flow around me so that I could display the prodigy fruits of my divine nature. Don’t laugh at me. Okay maybe laugh a little. It was a mite ridiculous, made all the more incredulous by the seriousness with which I believed that to be so.
What I DIDN’T grasp at the time was that, while well endowed with impressively nifty features of talents and gifts, that God had still only given me JUUSSSSST enough to work with. As in, NOTHING I WAS GOOD AT WOULD MANIFEST AT THE LEVEL OF MY VISION IF I DIDN’T PUT THE WORK IN.
And the work was personal. I’m highly artsy, with a theological twist, logically sound, but out of the box, detached and emotionally high strung, and poetic, all held together in a bubble of unconventional philosophicality. Everything I am is tied to touching people. And so I tried to fix people. Get them on board, so that I could then work on me.
Didn’t work. At all. And after years of “figuring out the right sequence,” I finally learned that I needed to work on myself first. Lead with heart and accomplishment. Become someone [obviously] worth following.
Kill the game; Publish the eulogy.
And in so doing I discovered how many vital things I was giving lackluster effort. It’s easier to try and fix people than work on being so healthy and whole that people are drawn to you for help.
But self discipline reveals one of the greatest simplicities of living. If you want something- DO it.
I wanted to be a writer. So I started writing. Before being famous. Before getting a ton of blog hits. I started writing right here where I am. This has equipped me to be able to enter submissions into writing contests. This has unlocked the evolution of my skillset, so now I can write scripts instead of only blogs/novel format.
I wanted to help people connect the dots from comic books/mythology to real life, so I started a YouTube show doing just that. I wanted to have a clear head and high energy so I started disciplining myself to go to the gym.
And with each decision I make, it comes with its own umbrella cascade of mini decisions to make that strengthen me in the hidden places. And if you’ve seen an Olympic gymnast, you know… the strength in the hidden places is what makes you strong enough to win.
It took me 13 years to learn all that. 13 years to learn to just DO it. Not just learn to do it, but to fundamentally understand how necessary it is.
But, nevertheless, it’s done. Sequence unlocked. Phone number dialed. More challenges constantly await me. But now I look for the root of simplicity. Now I have a focus. There is a light in me…
I’m just tryna let the light out.