Two souls come together combining their history, wishes and expectations to align into one vision of strength channeling into the future. If you didn’t already know who you were before then you will find out through resistance and joy found between the two of you. Love is timeless when a kiss becomes the ultimate moment, when being near one another creates static, and everyone else can come back later, but through time something changes and life evolves into a mirror. Ask someone 10 or 20 years into their relationship what love is and they will tell you that adapting to changes and working on the everyday promises with respect is sexy in addition to a hot kiss. The layers grow deeper as the years go by IF you both adapt like chameleons to each other’s essences. Forever Romance is not a myth, it’s a promise.
Personal realizations create shifts within us as life experiences from career, health, family and money move through us. Every now and again our minds will speak to us negotiating what’s working and what’s not and sometimes we share this with our partner. In the beginning everyone wants to hear everything, but as life becomes comfortable and each person focuses on their personal life story, time can slip away. Eventually we find ourselves wanting to reconnect and share our deepest hopes and fears but sometimes our spouses reaction will be to disengage instead of being drawn in. Not only does this shock you but now your internal thoughts are bewildered, the one you love, misunderstands you or is too lazy to show they care. Trouble compounds in your head and heart because now the issue is resentment.
Next time you and your spouse decide to chat about life, approach conversations by asking yourself how you can help your partner feel at ease and feel understood. Put down the paper, the phone, the distractions and really hear them. Be a detective to find out more or just really listen. We all want validation of our wins and loses because it matters to us and when someone shares these highlights take it as a privilege because one day your partner might decide not to share anymore.
Top three divorce prevention tips;
1) Arguments are in inevitable in most relationships, it’s how you deal with those arguments that makes the difference. Everyone in a relationship wants to be happy and sometimes disagreements happen. The goal is to be the bigger person and simply look at your partner and say “how can I help”? “I understand you’re frustrated what is it that you would like to see different”?
2) Keep the promises that you made together. There’s nothing more frustrating than having an argument, agreeing to a specific change and then the very next day the same uncomfortable issue happens again. Remind your partner kindly of the agreement made, if they are consistently ignoring the agreement it might be time to visit with a life coach or a therapist.
3) It’s not about someone being a winner or loser. It’s also not about playing the victim or making your partner feel guilty in order to manipulate what is needed. Realize the beauty of what’s being requested of you from your partner and make it into an opportunity to grow together not apart.
I’m Shanon Dawn a Relationship Coach. Author of the upcoming book The Marriage Prescription www.shanondawn.com