Résumé: Part One

I used to think we could streak the sky. We’d leave behind a trail of stardust and dreams. People, with feet in the grass, would look up to us. People, with eyes on the sky, would wish on us. I used to think we’d leave something behind for others to find. Something other than the crater we left when we crashed into the ground.

You taught me what the baseline of love was. You taught me not to accept anything less than what you already gave me.

Grudge Holder | 2008-Present
I’ll never forget you.
-Did you know you were going to love me?
-I did.
-Did you know you were going to lie to me?
-I did.
-Did you know you were going to leave me?
-I did.

Girlfriend | 2006–2008
I thought it could have been forever.
-and you must have too.
-One time you said:
I’m convinced you’ll stop taking your birth control
and get pregnant
so I’ll have to stay with you

Virgin | 1990–2007
I made you wait two years.
-“made you”
-Like my choices for my own body
-“made you” like me any less
-but you waited and for that I guess I’m

You were proficient in holding me back and I became
-Excellent at embarrassing you. I learned to be
-Bilingual in the way your body moves, and how to avoid eye contact until 15 minutes after you entered the room. Like we were still buffering, still loading up to that moment where we have to hug and you say, “hey, how have you been?”
-“I’ve been good.” I’ll say, every time. “Really good.”
-Whether it’s a lie or not.

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