How To Make Love To Your Husband: 25 Ways to Spice It Up

Has the honeymoon phase fizzled out in your marriage? I have good news! In this post, we’ll talk about 25 ways you can spice up your sex life and make love to your husband in ways that will leave you both re-energized and completely satisfied! Want a happy marriage? One of the most significant differences you can make is creating a great sex life!

Making Love To Your Husband Requires Some Maintenance Work

Well, that doesn’t sound very sexy. Maintenance work? Ok, I admit, it sounds like I’m drawing similarities between house upkeep and your sex life. But wait… I am. After 27 years of marriage, I can tell you your sex life will not progress forward on its own. It eventually won’t even exist if both partners don’t take the initiative.

Life gets in the way of love. Jobs, kids, chores, and bills all squeeze to push intimacy out the door. I’ll be the first to admit that when I’m hormonal, have gained some weight, or haven’t gotten enough sleep; sex is the last thing on my mind. Above all, if we don’t fight to make sex a priority, we will eventually have nothing left to fight for. Furthermore, in this post, I want to encourage you to create space for sex and intimacy and help you take your lovemaking to another level with new ways to spice it up!

The First Most Important Foundation For Making Love To Your Husband

Before jumping into these exciting tips, we must address the most important thing in increasing your sexual intimacy. I hope to show you how to make love to your husband. Secondly, I want to show you how to blow his mind (and other things… Hah!) But none of this will go anywhere in your married life if the two of you are not communicating and do not have an emotional connection.

Astudy by William R Cupach and Jamie Comstock explored the relationships between sexual communication and sexual satisfaction. A total of 402 married individuals responded to a mail survey. Results indicated that satisfaction with sexual communication was significantly and positively associated with sexual satisfaction.

Communicate, communicate, communicate. Married couples who communicate outside the bedroom will have an easier time communicating inside the bedroom. And when I say communicate, I mean… tell each other what feels good, what you want more of, what doesn’t do it for you. In a healthy marriage, we want to satisfy and please our partner.

Making love to my husband is much more fun when he tells me what he wants me to do. And to be honest, it’s hot as hell when I know I turn him on. And the same goes for him. When I say… “Nah, don’t do that”… Or “Not right there”… “A little lower. Gah! I love when you touch me there.” Never let your spouse continue doing something that you don’t enjoy or that hurts you.

That leads me to the next absolute priority in laying a solid foundation for how to make love to your husband.

The Second Most Important Foundation For Making Love To Your Husband

Trust. It’s paramount to a satisfying sex life. If you can’t be transparent outside the bedroom, you will have a tough time being utterly uninhibited inside the bedroom. Making love to your husband requires you to be vulnerable, which is very difficult if trust isn’t present.

Furthermore, self-trust is even more critical. Do you trust yourself? Your first answer might immediately be, “Of Course!” But if you’re like me, the answer could sometimes be quite uncertain. Let me give you an example; Have you ever not followed through with goals and to-do lists? The lack of self-trust can transpire into lousy relationship habits in your marriage (and all of your relationships).

To trust our partners, we first need to somewhat know and trust ourselves. If we are at odds with ourselves, chances are that we are at odds with others too. — Sex Therapist, Stella Anna Sonnenbaum

Stella goes on to say, “A lack of trust reveals itself in body language (eye contact), allusiveness, dishonesty, not listening and respecting self boundaries, poor communication, and insecurity (concern over self-image). A relationship without trust affects intimacy by influencing how we feel with our partners, impacting how much of the true selves we put forward.”

25 Ways To Spice Up Your Sex Life: How To Make Love To Your Husband

Ok, wait… One more thing. I will NEVER suggest you do something unless I’ve done it myself. What I’m about to list out for you is going to require you to be ok feeling awkward. However, if you are working on healing from sexual trauma or your marriage is not healthy, PLEASE seek a marriage counselor or other professional help. And like with all things… go sloooooow. Finally, never do anything that gives you pain or makes you feel uncomfortable. Let’s turn predictable, boring sex into riveting, exhilarating, and unpredictable wild sex!How To Make Love To Your Husband

Remember, a positive attitude creates more positive sexual energy in a relationship, whereas negative energy can destroy your sexual drive altogether. So if it’s lost and you both want it found, work together, communicate and rekindle the romance with all the thoughtful “little things.” — Brenda Venus.

1. Practice Good Hygiene To Experience Good Times.

I know, we’re not exactly starting with a bang! But to get banged… ;) We must eliminate our grooming flaws. Think of it this way; you’re going to kiss, nibble, lick and suck various parts of each other, a lot! Neither one of you wants an unpleasant odor, surprise, or any reason not to want to do it again. Think fresh breath, clean teeth, scrubbed skin, and all the crevices clean! Good Hygiene is sexy!

2. Flirt With Your Husband.

When is the last time you made the first move? To have a healthy sex life, flirting must become an everyday thing. The goal is to create a constant simmer between the two of you. This is easier said than done with the pressures of life, but the littlest efforts add up to have the most significant impact. Start with greeting him when he gets home from work or when you get home from work with a long kiss. I don’t mean an awkward peck. That is, well… awkward. I’m talking about making out with him to the point where he drops his bags and returns the embrace. It helps if you say goodbye to him in the morning with a similar embrace. When I walk by, I love to surprise my husband in the kitchen by rubbing my booty on his zipper. It drives him crazy — in a good way! The point is… don’t succumb to getting into a rut. Make affection a priority. Without a doubt, I noticed when I don’t “feel” like it, but I start with the actions, my feelings follow, and before I know it, I can’t wait for him to get home and devour him!

3. Dirty Talk.

Now I know this may be WAY OUT of your comfort zone… so before you send me a scathing comment or email… just skip the ones that appall you. It’s ok. We’re all different. But I also know some of you have specifically asked for this, and you never know until you try. Many women are not experiencing the pleasure of making love to their husbands as they could. Talking dirty always gets me aroused, BUT it has to be at the right time. Timing is everything with talking dirty. If my husband tries to talk dirty to me when I’m stressed about something our teenagers did… NOT EFFECTIVE. Haha… Shocker, right? Women warm up slowly to sex… talking dirty needs to come after we’ve started to feel some heat… not when we’re still thawing out. Here are some examples: What makes you have your most robust and longest orgasm? Do you like it best when you come inside me or when I suck you with my mouth? Would you like me on top or underneath? Does it get you hot when I’m on all fours? You get the idea!

4. Dirty Text Messages.

This is a favorite of mine! Dirty text messages will always get your husband’s attention. Send your husband texts throughout the day… not an obnoxious amount, but one in the morning, at lunchtime, and when he’s about to head home. Examples: BF — I watched you shower this morning, making me feel tingly. I feel wet just thinking about you. I hope this day goes by fast! Lunch — Hope you’re having a good day… I was putting lotion on, and when I rubbed the slippery cream on my inner thighs, I remembered seeing you in the shower this morning. Please get home soon! Evening — Hi Babe. I can’t get the picture of your wet body out of my mind… Please come home fast… not sure if I can wait!!

5. Give Oral Sex.

Men love to be on the receiving end of oral sex. It can be like the opening act that sets the stage for their overall sexual experience. Furthermore, it’s a beautiful way to show you have your husband’s interests in mind and that you care about his pleasure. Look for a coming post (pun intended) on the tips and tricks to blow his mind!

6. Receive Oral Sex.

Don’t be afraid to ask your man to go down on you. He won’t be perfect at first, but remember what we talked about at the beginning? C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-I-O-N. Guide him where you want him to go and tell him what feels good. Here’s my number one tip for receiving oral: Guys are visual, so trimming your pubic hair — or going full-monty Brazilian — may be the incentive to get him to linger between your legs.

“Seeing a woman’s privates so exposed is still taboo, so it’s very exciting,” says Daniel Amen, MD, author of Sex on the Brain. The sexy sight should make him want to explore orally, he says.

7. Write Him a Thank You Acknowledging The Simple Things He’s Done For You.

Small gestures can have a big impact. It’s so easy to forget the simple things, especially when our days are filled with running kids around, cooking dinner, working, and all the things! However, you can’t forget to take time to acknowledge the little things he does for you. Men want to feel respected, and showing gratitude is the best place to start.

8. Compliment Him.

Your words of affirmation and encouragement will pull some strings inside him.

Here are four examples:

“You make me feel safe.”

“You make me laugh.”

“You’re really handsome.”

“You’re brilliant.”

I encourage you to look a little deeper and compliment his unique qualities that aren’t so generic. Take it a step further and compliment him in front of others. This is a simple way to make him feel respected and honored.

9. Smile at Him.

Making love should never become a chore. You married your husband for a reason, and it’s important to remember that reason and allow it to bring a smile to your face! And smiling does not require much effort. Smiling not only can elevate your mood, but it can also change the moods of others for the better. When you smile, it signals to your husband that you enjoy precious time with him. A study published in May 2020 revealed that the physical act of smiling activates pathways in your brain that influence your emotional state. In other words, by adopting a happy facial expression, you can “trick” your mind into entering a state of happiness.

10. Try New Things Like Toys and Props.

Sex toys are a great way to provide multiple stimulation levels, making you more aroused. Even a blindfold or a necktie can take your lovemaking to the next level. And this might shock you, but most guys get turned on watching you play with a toy!

11. Ask Him About His Sexual Fantasies.

This takes a lot of comfort and trust, but discussing fantasies can help satisfy your husband sexually. However, before discussing fantasies, please ensure that you both are comfortable and that there is no room for judgment. Start with the easiest ones and move forward if it works for you. (And do I need to say it?… nothing illegal or harmful.) And just for the record, porn is one of the most destructive things you can bring into your marriage. That is not an option. There will be a post on that a little later, but please seek professional help if either of you has a porn addiction.

12. Tell Him About Your Fantasies.

This is the perfect opportunity to tell him about your fantasies. Maybe you’ve never thought about them. Give yourself time. You can read some erotic books to kick-start the imagination. Once you’ve both shared your fantasies, find ones that have some common ground and start there.

13. Pray Together About Your Sex Life.

When my husband and I struggled in our marriage, I lost my attraction to him because of trust issues. Even more, I felt guarded and closed up. Once we worked through our problems, we realized we needed to pray about our sex life. God created lovemaking as a beautiful connection with so many blessings. There are insane benefits to sex in marriage. One of the most rewarding ways we got back on track was to pray together and ask God to heal our wounds, build our trust, and experience sex as He intended. Prayer is powerful, and your sex life deserves to be a part of it.

14. Practice a Little Role Play.

This could be a part of your fantasies, but I like to keep it simple. It could be pretending you just met on your first date. There is something very tempting about a mysterious date. Unfortunately, the familiarity of marriage dulls our anticipation. In our conversations on date nights, we’ll ask each other what we’re doing in town and how long we’ve been in our occupation. The longer you stay in character, the stronger the sexual tension. Test me on this one!

15. Try New Positions.

There is nothing that kills your sex life faster than predictability. Routine and habit are good things in business, but passion killers in the bedroom. Try something new. If you always make love in the missionary position, ask your husband to lie down while you take the reins and ride away. Or get on all fours and have your partner kneel behind you.

“Anytime you introduce something fresh and novel into the bedroom, you set yourself up for a more stimulating experience and bigger finish,” says Vanessa Marin, a licensed sex therapist in L.A.

16. Make Love in The Wild.

Be careful with this one. Your teenagers would rather not get a phone call from the police to bail out their parents for indecent exposure. My husband is my best friend, and a strong friendship will increase your success with “love in the wild.” Some of our most precious memories are making love by rivers, mountain lakes, and on a ski slope! The fear of getting caught, the uncomfortable elements, and the pure craziness create a heightened experience for both of you. Subsequently, I don’t know if I can remember when we’ve laughed more than during our wild escapades!

17. Schedule and Protect a 2-Hour Date Night in the Bedroom.

This is about quality time with your husband. Include oils, music, and a rule that you cannot have intercourse… only touching. Take turns exploring each other’s bodies, but remember no penetration.

18. Create a Romantic, Sexy Playlist.

I like to create three separate playlists; One for the super romantic nights, another for the more fun/playful nights, and one with nature/relaxing noise.

19. Strip For Your Man.

Now I get it, girl. Everything I’ve mentioned thus far might be pushing the envelope for you. I know… remember? I’ve been there! Can I confess? This one was THE HARDEST for me. I felt so awkward and self-conscious. But I quickly learned that my husband didn’t see me as I did. And yes, sometimes a shot of tequila helps. ;) If you want to turn your man on, pump up the music, and slowly strip those clothes off… smile, laugh, and have fun! You’ll be having him eat out of your hand!

20. Plan a Very Sexy, Special Night For Your Man.

Fill your room with candles and mirrors. Sit him down in front of one of the mirrors and then sit on him, facing away from him. Make sure he can see you both in the mirror. Spread your legs with your knees up and show him your most intimate part… Show him what to do with it and tell him what feels good and what you like. The mirrors and glow from the candles create an intensely erotic environment in which he’ll go crazy!

21. Go Commando.

First, for health reasons. You’re going to be increasing your sexual activity (that’s the point of this post!), so you must ensure you’re taking care of your vaginal health. Not only does going commando reduce your risk of yeast infections, but it also reduces vaginal odor and diminishes discharge. And yes… It will also drive him insane with easy access everywhere you go!

22. Wake Him Up With Your Lips Wrapped Around His Manhood.

Need I say more?

23. Slip a Pair of Your Sexiest Underwear in the Pocket of His Work Blazer or Shirt.

When he reaches for a pen, he’ll be so flustered and immediately blush! No dirty texts or phone calls are necessary. He knows what it means.

24. Touch Yourself in Front of Him.

Have I mentioned how much I love married sex?? After 27 years, it just keeps getting spicier and hotter, with all our inhibitions gone. And yes, this one takes boldness. But what if I told you when I first did this for my husband 23 years ago, it revolutionized our sex life? I was shocked at how powerful it was for him and, quite frankly, for myself.

25. Stop Nagging and Complaining.

Want to know the best way to kill your husband’s sexual desire? If there is one thing that will make your husband feel unwanted faster than anything, it’s a constant nag. The constant complaining and focusing on what he does wrong will eventually create a wedge between the two of you that is incredibly difficult to repair.

The Best Marriages Make Love Making a Priority

Sex is a beautiful gift from God. As you begin your journey of spicing things up with your husband, you’ll discover how beautiful you are and how much pleasure you bring him. Not to mention how much pleasure you’re capable of experiencing. You’ll also find you and your husband interacting with a constant, slow simmer that keeps you in sync even when you’re apart. This post was about 25 ways to make love to your husband and spice things up. Now turn your electronics off, turn on the music and light that match, you Sexy Mama!