Maybe Thanos Was Right

Very mild spoilers ahead

Sparky
Apr 30, 2018 · 4 min read

I had a fun weekend, but at the end of it, I was left wondering if perhaps eliminating half the human population might not be the worst idea.

And I’m not saying that in a crazy person way.

I’m saying it in a I want to go camping and not have to have a thousand other people up in my business way.


Now, if you haven’t seen Infinity War yet, go see it immediately. The boyfriend and I stayed up way past our bedtime on Friday, so you have no excuse.

I’m going to talk about it a little, but I’ll be nice and not give anything away that wasn’t already given away in the trailers. **

Here we go…

Thanos is a bad dude. He comes from a planet that was devastated by overpopulation. His people basically starved to death and died off. It was a bad scene all around. Thanos was on a mission to collect all the infinity stones and eliminate half the population of the universe to restore balance.

Now, if you’re an Avenger, this is bad news.

Avengers are into saving lives. They don’t want to see half the population obliterated. And as an audience member, I was like, Yeah! Get Em Iron Man! Don’t let that giant purple asshole destroy the universe!

But there was a little part of me inside wondering if maybe, Thanos had a point.


On Saturday we went camping. Not at our usual free, dispersed camping spot, but in a developed campground. We don’t do this kind of camping too often, but this particular campground was the very first one we went camping in together.

It’s a special spot, and I thought it might be nice to have a quiet, romantic weekend together.

When we first discovered this little gem, we were able to drive in, on a Saturday afternoon and snag the spot on the river.

This past weekend, however, we had to make reservations in advance to even get the shitty spot next to the host.

Our quiet, undiscovered campground was now overrun by families, screaming children and old people blasting generators.

Where the hell did all these people come from?

We still had a great time snuggling by the fire and enjoying nature, but every time someone “accidentally” walked through our site, I thought of Thanos.

In a Thanos world, we would get the good spot.


I’ve written about the population burst in Portland before, but it’s really happening everywhere.

Three years ago when I went on a cross country road trip, I saw just how crowded the U.S. had become. I had been assuming that people were flocking to Portland because it was cool. What was actually happening was people flocking everywhere because there isn’t much space left.

Nowhere is safe.

I grew up in a small town on the east coast. We basically lived in a shack, but our backyard was endless. As a kid, I would spend entire days exploring the woods and having adventures.

What greeted me when I went back was tract housing.

All of my trees were gone.

They bulldozed my little house and cut down the forest where I used to play.

The kids that live there now play on sidewalks and manicured lawns if they spend any time outside at all.


It’s hard to be mad at human beings since the desire to reproduce is hardwired into us.

It’s not like anyone really wants to live on an overpopulated rock. We just want to have families because that’s what our bodies are telling us to do. It’s tough to see how that could possibly be a bad thing.

There is no answer to this. No right side or wrong side.

All I know is that human life is precious.

But if you could choose to make life on earth better with the snap of a finger, would you do it?

I think I would.

Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your stance) I don’t have that power.

For now, I’ll live vicariously through episodes of Last Man on Earth. I’ll fantasize about how cool it would be to drive down the road with no other cars, or how wonderful it would be to be able to look at the Grand Prismatic Pool in Yellowstone without some tourist sneezing on my neck.

A girl can dream.

**NERD ALERT — Obviously this is just about “movie” Thanos. Comic book Thanos has other motivations. So…back off, I still stand by what I say.

Sparky

Written by

Sparky

Audiobook Narrator, Writer, Van Lifer, Former Pastry Chef to the Stars! Red more at www.Vancognito.com or follow me on Instagram @Vancognito

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