I DIDN’T MEAN TO

He couldn’t stop thinking about what happened that day. The regret sat heavy in his heart. But she asked him to do it. He could never say no to her. Not her. He knew they were probably coming for him. There wasn’t any way he could get away with it. He didn’t even try to hide the evidence. He wasn’t going to hide. Maybe then his mind would stop playing it over and over in his mind. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel so guilty. But he doubted that. He looked at the gun inches away from him on the kitchen floor. He tried, he really did. But he couldn’t shoot. Funny enough he was afraid of death. Of disappearing into nothingness. He could have ended it and that made him feel even more like a failure. The knock finally came at the door. He didn’t mean it, he wanted to shout. He didn’t want to kill mother.

Mother asked him to.