We’re Terrible Listeners (And 4 Questions To Change That)
WE ARE BROKEN
Almost all social media encourages declarative writing over conversation, and the most engaged-with examples of this tend to be negative.
This is further encouraged with dopamine-inducing reactions and shares.
Conversation is discouraged, and everyone is familiar with at least one unpleasant experience on a comment thread (commenters often don’t even read!)
Listening behavior is not rewarded instantly — responses are.
Is it any wonder why we suck at listening to each other now?
THE REAL REWARD OF LISTENING
The act of listening builds trust in your intentions, which forms the foundation of your personal and business interactions.
Being right or rational often takes a back seat in effective discussions. Paradoxically, the best way to convince someone else is to actively listen to them first.
Check out this book. I was not a natural, and you’re probably not, either. Active listening is a skill that you have to work on.
SELF-EVALUATION
Here’s a short checklist to evaluate yourself.
Do I think about what I’m going to say while someone is still talking?
It’s impossible to actively listen when your brain is grinding away. Don’t worry about being clever. Get a clear picture of what the other person is saying to minimize misunderstandings or miscommunication. You will have plenty of time to respond.
Do I acknowledge what has been said before starting to speak?
People are not mind readers. Let the other person know that they have been heard and understood. That’s how communication works!
“I’m hearing that” or “Let me see if I understand” before repeating a short summary of what they said can go a long way in building rapport. Show the other person that you are fully present.
On average, do I speak more than the other person in the course of the conversation?
This is a tricky one because there are exceptions, but for the most part, it should be at least equal. If you are speaking most of the time, it’s objectively unlikely that you would be listening to anyone but yourself.
Do I clarify things I do not understand?
If you don’t understand something, and you don’t clarify it quickly, it can snowball in later parts of the conversation and make it difficult for you to make sense of the other party’s line of thought. So, if you are confused, ask questions respectfully and listen to the answer carefully!
CONCLUSION
Listening is a great way to differentiate yourself in a world of people driven by self-interest. It is a skill that transfers effectively regardless of profession or rank.
Work at it a little every day and you’ll be a master listener in no time at all!
