WHY IS IT SO HARD..

This has got to be the second time I am going through this kind of heartache.. It does not mean that I didn’t love the in betweens like I loved my first and now my ex, it just means this time again I let myself get lost in somebody else’s’ world.

I completely dropped my life and let you hold my hand through your world and everytime I’d get lost.. you would show me how to get through it because being your world, you knew it better than anyone else. It is so hard getting out because I did not get to know the way in or mark any way so I could go back with the same. I always knew that you would be there to show me the way but sadly all these good things don’t last.

Finding my way out has been so difficult and it hurts so bad. It hurts on the nights I cannot sleep and I have to keep warm in the same sheets that we cuddled. It hurts every time I am dressing because all these jackets you gave me are a constant reminder that at one point in life I meant the world to you. It hurts every time I see two people holding hands and all the promises we made keep coming back. It hurts every time I am eating my favorite meal because back then it was our favorite. Well, I hope it still is your favorite because this dish did nothing wrong my love.

I have deleted all your contacts a thousand times but the biggest mistake was having them in my head, because I keep typing them back and stalking you to see how well you are doing. I know I am not doing any good to myself but I hope you are happy and are not going through the same hell that I am. I hope that in all these you have found the courage to see someone else as beautiful… I hope that you sleep at night and don’t have to spend sleepless nights like I do. I hope that you laugh a lot because your laughter was the best I ever heard. I hope that you don’t stare at something and remember me because darling you need to create a new life for your sake.

I am broken and every time it feels like having you back could fix me but I know we weren’t meant to be. So I hope after all these dark days I will be happy again because I know I need to do this for myself. Then I hope I don’t get lost in someone else ‘s world like I always do.

I pray for both of us everyday and it’s always that we find peace and love in people who could complete us the same way we did each other before we realized we were not the ones.

Till next time, Live a little more.

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