Sometimes I feel such intense guilt for “giving up” on white folks who betray me. I am constantly asking the questions: Am I over-sensitive? Am I not being patient enough? Can I teach this person something that they wouldn’t learn from someone else? Is it my place to teach them? Is it worth my time? What am I sacrificing right now? What else could I be doing with my time instead of teaching this white person about how to not be a racist oppressor?
The self-doubt that white people, with an emphasis on white straight men knowingly and unknowingly instill in WOC is a seemingly ceaseless suppression tactic designed to keep us down and out, permanently and forever.
But then my answer to all of it a lot of the time is centered on my desire to be true to myself and focus on my own mental health. Basically if I can see a path forward where I am not sacrificing more than I am gaining from the “friendship/relationship” then I will continue it. If I can see a future where I will continue to just be hurt, manipulated, and tokenised by this white person, I will completely and utterly cut them from my life. *poof* they’re disappeared from my existence in a cloud of smoke.