REJECTED SUBMISSIONS: A sampler of wry observations — The shorties below were deemed to be vulgar, insipid, flippant, provocative, politically incorrect — or some combination thereof.

Exposure by proxy times two, plus infection times two — My friend Chuck’s daughter and her boyfriend’s family (Chris, his two kids, and his parents) went on a five-day trip, last Wednesday through Sunday, despite having had significant exposure to Corona (from a visiting family member) on the Sunday prior. Though they tested negative three days thereafter (last Wednesday morning…

Go-to-guy gets got good: she uses, he loses — Imagine … Dan, forties, sitting on his sofa I saw Linda, off and on — mostly off — for years before we really became acquainted. I work in the hardware store downtown, and Linda used to stop in once a month or so, to pick up sundries. Light bulbs. Picture hangers. …

All that’s left: mother and daughter bemoan erstwhile treasures — In a morbid mood, surveying my possessions and pondering their unceremonious disposal upon my death, I conceived this monologue pair. Imagine … ACT ONE Liz, age 65, is sitting on her bed in a robe and a headscarf of the sort worn by chemo patients gone bald. Beside her is a large…

Friendship goes ghost: “I haven’t heard anything” — This monologue duet, written in 2017, was inspired by an all-consuming friendship that devolved when I diverted a large portion of my attention to writing and running. My friend grew sulky, and I did not take kindly to his disgruntlement. Our reciprocal resentment spiraled. …

Stiff competition in the Knew-Him-Best Department — Consider this a conceptual script. If you’d like, gather some friends and read aloud. ACT ONE Characters: Larry, college friend of the deceased Charlie Jim, Charlie’s brother-in-law Viewing room of Berry’s funeral parlor, both men present LARRY: Shocker, isn’t it! JIM: You got that right. What was he, 46? 48? LARRY: Good guess! I happen to know for a fact that…

Golden rule: right back at you! — Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Simply stated, though not so easy to live by. Now — gild the golden rule. Swap it out — put yourself first. Do unto yourself as you would do unto others. Again, simply stated — and, for most of…

Rotating pairs grouse about odd one out. — This parody play starring six “parrots” in parallel pairs was inspired by gossiping neighbors (not necessarily mine!) to whom I am grateful for the entertainment. The blatantly repetitive literal and metaphorical repetition from one scene to the next is by design. …

Conceptual script concludes per your choice: what be her fate? — Imagine: Susan and Janet at kitchen table. Susan: I keep thinking about Marie. Has it been a year already? Janet: Sure has. Hard to believe. A year ago, Friday. Susan: How I wish she were here with us. We should be celebrating. Janet: Yeah. We should be rejoicing in her…