The day I googled ‘how to make friends’
Today I googled ‘how to make friends’. I think that if you have to google that kind of thing you’re not really off to a great start. But you see, making friends when you’re over the age of 25 is different.
When I was nine I moved to New Zealand. I had a weird accent. I did not say things like ‘choice as’ or ‘that’s ace’ and I had no idea how to play elastics, knuckle bones or four square. Basically, I was not down with the kids, literally.
My strategy for friend making involved the Baby Sitters Club board game. It was my bargaining chip. Having that game got me some very sought after sleepover invitations. And eventually, people started liking me more than the board game, and I had friends.
Now I’m 31. Having moved to a whole new country once again (hello Hong Kong!), I’m trying to work out what the grown up friend making bargaining chip is. It is not a board game. In fact, it’s not really anything that you can buy. So this means that it must be about my personality and how much fun I am to hang out with. Interesting.
After a month of friend dates I have come up with the following advice for those on a friending mission during adulthood:
Say ‘YES’ to everything
If you don’t have any friends then it’s not like you have any prior engagements. Too tired? Boo hoo. If you don’t get out you’ll be tired AND lonely.
Potential friend: Do you want to come cruising on my company yacht?
You: Hells yes!
Potential friend: Do you want to come rock climbing?
You: Well, I’m scared of heights. But….yes.
Potential friend: Do you want to join me for a meal of chicken’s feet?
You: Well I’ve got this work thing on sooo….I’m not sure.
Hang on a minute — you have no friends. If friends are just one chicken’s foot away, then eat the damn foot.
Coffee is good. Wine is better.
Wine brings people together. And it makes you funnier. This is a good thing. A coffee date usually means one coffee which is about 30 minutes and that’s not really long enough to demonstrate how awesome you are. How many times have you had four coffees in a row? Never. Ok, once. In fact, I had seven and then I had an anxiety attack and had to lie down. Very anti-social. Four wines however is completely acceptable and a great platform for friending.
Let go of BFFs, say hello to KOFs
Ok, this is not my original idea. But hey, what are the chances that you’ve read the same article as me? In any case I am a firm believer in the Kind of Friend (KOF).
If you haven’t made BFFs yet then quit trying because the game is up. BFFs after the age of 30 are like unicorns. Not in a magical way, just in a fictional made up kind of way, way.
You should really be embracing KOFs. These are friends that you hang out with sometimes, usually for one particular activity.
The way I see it there are five activity categories that need filling:
1. Getting drunk 2. Emotional mess/life coaching 3. Fitness 4. Chillaxing 5. Talking shit
If you’ve found a KOF for each one of these you are winning.
If you’re still watching America’s Funniest Home videos and eating left over spaghetti bolognese on a Saturday night then you have some work to do.
Chicken’s feet anyone?