Somaticize Me

Somaticize. Loss of control by a mind that craves- depends- on control. The simultaneous dimming of the senses, and the heightened awareness of everything- good and bad. The growing panic associated with the inability to grasp clearly onto any one state. The constant shift of feeling, as the mind attempts to feel the reality of the moment. The farther and fuzzier that reality becomes, the more frantic the mind reaches to latch on.

It is like looking at the clouds. One puff of white may appear as a monkey… no! a horse, or wait, a bear! Each metamorphosis just as solid as the last, so it truly looks to be each one in turn. As the senses dim, the mind tries futility to pinpoint the actual state of body. Is it thirsty? The throat clenches. Is it feeling faint? The room goes dark. Is it tired? All energy saps from the being.

Ironic. The mind seizes. The senses vanish, or, the true senses. As a mind prone to comfort in control, this is the most disconcerting moment. Some minds would not balk at the unawareness, but this mind is aware of everything. In the absence of feeling, it constructs its guesses from glimpses through the haze. The image it forms, like the clouds that are not monkeys but just clouds, is a vastly over-constructed adaptation. In the moment, they become real. They become real to this mind, and this mind demands control of the body. In order to understand, to know and control, the mind inflicts this ‘reality’ on the body.

Except… comfort is not found. Though the mind ‘thinks’ it has a name for the body’s state, now comes the question, “why?” There is no why. So the clouds shift, and the guessing ensues. The body is flung through physical mutations to match these guesses. Each time the “why” throwing it into mayhem once again. The worst part? A cloud that was a monkey, but now a bear, can still be identified as monkey with a tilt of the head. Even though the bear dominates, the monkey still leaks through. As the war of mind and body continues, the list of guesses piles high until the haze becomes a thick fog with reality harder to discern.

The solution. Accept that sometimes control only may be had, by accepting its loss. Like those little Chinese finger traps. Your fingers are only freed once a relaxed state, accepting of the entrapment, is reached. The mind, in moments of distance from sense and body, must accept the loss of awareness, of control. The mind can not wage war with the body. It is the instigation of this war, that is the true cause of mayhem.

The mind fights the body for control. The body flees from its accusations and tumbles into turmoil. It is fight or flight all in one, and no one is having a good time. Just remind the brain to give the body a break. Let it be, and let it wander. The mind will content, and the body will settle.

Then everyone can have a good time.

Prompt: Pick a word, and tell what it means to you.