Why I turned down my place at this year’s Do Lectures.

Shit. What an idiot.

For starters, I only applied to prove to myself I was capable of good answers to those questions. I didn’t expect anything to come of it. I didn’t expect the ‘you’re one of our select few’ emails.

But the thing is, I just couldn’t get out of my head what it would actually be possible to do with the money it costs to attend. The nag of that curiosty kept me awake, and very uncomfortable. It’s a lot for me to afford. I turned down my place.

I could spend another summer in Peru teaching local photographers how to use their cameras and tell better visual stories.

I could give the money to my sister so she could take a break from working nights on the RUH Stroke Unit and have a little holiday somewhere warm, fresh and inspiring, so she could find her way back to the amazing creative work she was born to do.

I could sponsor more kids overseas.

But I know the Do Lectures aren’t just about what money can buy. I know they’re about big thinking, strategic thinking, revelation and revolution, epiphany of heart and mind to see how what you have fits with the world’s greatest need, to form teams, connections to make that happen, to spend those three days clearing away the crap which stops you seeing a big and beautiful horizon, and soaking in the energy of those who are already DO-ing so as to feel the breath of courage you need to step up and make your project happen so that hundreds of lives will be better for it.

I know this.

Shit shit shit.

But I keep coming back to Peru, and my sister. And I take heart in the things I’ve already done, and decide now to take in that breath of courage right here and see what I can make happen today. For a big dreamer, turning down the offer of a place at this year’s Do is gutting. I wonder how else to connect and I wonder if I’m capable of doing anything meaningful with that money after all. But I’m also learning that my dreams mean nothing unless I can give them a foot in reality, today.

So that is what I promise to get on and DO right now.

Work in progress, always.

Keep going, lovely Do-ers.