Life Happens

I have PTSD. I want to say I recovered from PTSD, but I don’t think that really happens. Some days I’m excited to make admission that I feel great and life is perfect, and others I can get caught up in trying to talk myself down from accepting vs. struggling with my emotions. I do recognize that this is how it (the PTSD) is for me, or am I just normal and going through it all like a human does. That’s the PTSD right there.

I cycle through my emotions. I focus on it way too much. I relax into, and allow the special-ness of it to consume me — to open myself to growth and possibility. I have real symptoms too, like how easily I fatigue. I don’t recover in a few minutes any more, I need a day, or days. I have learned that when I’m ready again I go in slowly. I check in and plan and prepare for what’s ahead of me so that I don’t get overwhelmed. I distract myself as means of procrastination just enough to make sure I will keep good pace. I am now a dog person, this helps. My dogs are the luckiest in this city neighborhood — spoiled with so many walks.

I read about PTSD, and I read people’s stories and their struggles — and I know mine are easier than theirs, but it is real. It’s harder some days to accept, but as I learn to relax into it and accept it this much more — the easier it is to see past it, and just be me.

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