The Easter Bunny is Tired of Hiding Eggs
Goes into early retirement
It’s Easter and all over kids and parents alike expect me to leave out candies and eggs. To hide them in nooks and crannies, just out of arms reach. To concoct an elaborate maze of goodies they can find, throw in a basket, and stuff into their little faces and ruin their dinner.
Well, no more I say!
I’m retiring.
Bunnies don’t even lay eggs! And you expect me to leave you purple and green colored, and boiled no less, eggs all over for you to find? Or not find? And then wonder what that damn rotting smell is 5 months later? It’s the egg, Lauren, the flipping egg you couldn’t find.
Not to mention, my chicken friends are really tired of me stealing their eggs for Easter and making a colored mockery out of them. Eggs are beautiful just the way they are.
And do you really need me? I mean, is it that hard to put a few eggs in some trees and candy in the grass? I know you’d rather be sleeping in, but bunnies need sleep too.
Heck, how about asking one of my millions of cousins? I mean, there’s only one Easter Bunny, but there are tons of bunnies. I’m sure any of them can do the job at least half as well as I can, and twice as well as Lauren who can’t find an egg after 5 months. I mean…
