Things I now know because of having known Billy Manes

Laura
Laura
Jul 22, 2017 · 4 min read
Billy being Billy at a party at his apartment and my ticket stub from the EBTG show.

After hearing about Billy’s passing, little things came to mind as they do that were specifically related to that time I knew that person who just passed (which seems to be an unfortunate trend these days). It seemed that from the little things about Billy flooded some very poignant discoveries. I thought I could make a tiny list that would be kind of charming and profound to illustrate how much he was able to teach me in such little time. So here is the list of things I now know about because of having known Billy:

  • the concept of “reinventing” yourself via Pet Shop Boys’ DJ Culture(1)
  • Duran Duran’s Notorious
  • the existence of Edith Piaf
  • the concept of unrequited love
  • that they call it a crush because it hurts
  • not everyone can pull off tartan plaid pants & sparkly fuzzy sweaters no matter how easy he made it look
  • loving people is easy, letting people love you is sometimes not as easy

If you know me it’s a pretty serious list leading to the kind of adult I am now. Somehow, in the process of remembering these little things, there were a few things that I wanted to remember that don’t quite fit into that list format. So here are some things that are slightly more narrative, but still kind of disjointed.

Billy Manes will be remembered for making big moves as an incredibly talented journalist and powerful advocate in the LGBTQ+ Orlando community, as well as orchestrating incredible outreach initiatives including after the Pulse shooting. For a while I followed his columns (The B-List and Blister) so colorfully and unapologetically written about pop culture and politics. Over the years, I’d catch bits of his community efforts via Facebook, there was a moment when he was running for Mayor. All of it felt very big. None of it felt like a surprise though.

I’m not going to pretend that I was very close to Billy, although from the outpouring of tributes in the wake of his passing, it would seem everyone’s experience and perception of him is consistent: “a vibrant force of nature with a healthy dose of wit.” It was 1999 when I knew him, and he was close to people I was close with. Sometimes we would just exist together as the alienated, the rejected, the lovers of boys unrequited. Whatever the flavor of the evening, he never let me feel excluded. The very short period of time that he was part of my life is still pretty vivid, albeit a vivid blur. I’ve been describing it as a cartoon whirlwind. He was a sprite of manic energy wth whom I wanted desperately to be able to keep up. I was just a baby, maybe 19 or 20 years old working at a Barnes & Noble, and in walked Billy, seemingly displaced, but not at all hesitant to make Jersey his throne for the time-being.

He was the first encounter of the kind of fascinating, magnetic, creature constantly rising and falling and spinning the drama and ennui in a way I wished I could harness. To me he was like a real life, very non-British manifestation of a character from Trainspotting or Kids, full of stories and experiences I’d rarely heard about from actual people in my actual life… Except he was also like my fairy godmother.

We saw Everything But the Girl together at Hammerstein Ballroom on Thanksgiving Eve 1999. I had been to my fair share of shows by that point. It may or may not be true, but I’m choosing to remember that night as the first time I ever just danced my face off unapologetically during a concert. Usually I’m the cranky curmudgeonly grumplestiltskin pushing the fun away, but being there with Billy (and another colleague since forgotten) reminded me how to let myself have fun.

After he moved to Orlando, I followed his columns for a little while, about which I made special note to recognize his ability to embrace and pronounce his neuroses, guilty pleasures, silliness, and sexcapades through the most visual wordplay I had yet to consume. In person or on screen, the stories are all brilliant even when sometimes self-deprecating. (2)

18ish years later, any openness I have for fellow humans now was probably sparked during however long that moment was that I was able to call Billy a friend. I send love to all the people whose lives were changed by this incredible human. I pray his husband, friends, and family, and his community in Orlando find strength during what I’m sure is an impossible time.

(1) I don’t really remember why, but he remembered the lyric, remembered that it was a song by the Pet Shop Boys, but could not remember the song title. He fixated on it for a little while. Whenever anyone talks about reinventing themselves, I think of this moment and this song.

Consider for a minute
Who you are
What you’d like to change
Never mind the scars
Bury the past
Empty the shelf
Decide it’s time to reinvent yourself

(2) An excerpt from “I Love Crackheads” March 4, 2004, Blister, Orlando Weekly:

We pull up to some downtown apartment complex, because he tells me to, and he says he just needs to run in for a second. Any pretty girl would know to drive away at this point, but I’m not that pretty. So I wait, watching the dew form on my shame and watching several low-panted thugs scatter, nervously picking the picks in their hair.

)

Laura

Written by

Laura

artist, designer, logistician. hoarder of information and personalities for quantitative measure | none of this stuff is "finished".

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