excerpt from If Pluto Isn’t a Planet

Atalaya Castle, Hallways. 2016 Lakesha Mathis.

…….The miscarriage explained the faint line on that pregnancy test far better than my doctor had.

After spending the weekend writhing with pain I finally lay rubbing my eyes as I awoke in a cold sterile room filled with only me, my belongings and a blaring TV. I was too tired to cry although my heart was broken. “I do not want to be here is all I can think.” I should still be enjoying the honeymoon phase of marriage. Instead I was lying in a hospital bed filled with melancholy. The recovery nurse enters the room to check on me but unable to muster a sound I just laid there tearfully nodding in response to her questions.

I am certain the pained look on my face prompted her to say, “Hopefully your husband will be here soon to take you home so you can rest.” Irritated by her insinuation I snapped back, “He’s not coming”. I had already shared with the registration nurse that I was alone. The registration nurse had already embarrassed me enough by inquiring why I had come to have such an important procedure alone. She’d even forced me to call someone to pick me up upon my release. I complied with their requests so why couldn’t they all leave me alone.

After dosing in and out of consciousness for a few hours my chariot had finally arrived and to my surprise Suwan had come with his nephew to pick me up. If I had known the rollercoaster ride of my life was just beginning I might have check out of the medical hospital and straight into a mental hospital. The next few years were trying to say the least. I tried everything to feel like me but I had no idea just how far away from the old me I was.

The bitterness started growing immediately. It seems I didn’t even make it home before my broken heart began to fill with anger, blame and loneliness. Every day was extremely difficult. Most days I awakened with tear filled eyes. While I attempted to maintain a sense of normalcy, I had no idea nothing would ever be normal again.

It seems my love stalled with the miscarriages,…….

If Pluto Isn’t a Planet is a memoir filled with relatable real life stories guaranteed to make you laugh, cry and ultimately teach you that life is what we make it; No seeming failure is final and everything is meant to grow you.