9 Stoic-inspired questions to ask yourself to get through a bad day

It’s become second nature to me to google ‘stoic philosophy’ when I’m having a bad day.

“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”

“Don’t seek for everything to happen as you wish it would, but rather wish that everything happens as it actually will”

“Focus only on what is within your control”

My ‘Stoic Philosophy’ playlist on YouTube has 23 of these videos and I expect it will continue to grow.

But while I can appreciate the importance of these teachings, I sometimes need a more tactical way to actively shift my mindset when I’m in a downward spiral.

What I’m saying is — if I’ve just CC-ed a whole bunch of people in an email when it should have been a BCC — it’s more than a little challenging to “wish that everything happens as it actually will”.

What has worked for me is to reframe these lessons into questions that I ask myself — out loud if at all possible — every time I start to get bogged down by negative emotions. By directly challenging myself to respond, I’m forced to confront those negative behaviours and emotions head-on, and it often helps to speed up the process of shifting my mindset.

But first, go for a walk

Seneca said “we should take wandering outdoor walks, so the mind might be nourished and refreshed by the open air and deep breathing.”

I find the best time to ask myself these questions is on a short walk outside. I find it’s not hard to make time for a short walk every morning, or even at the office if there’s been a bit of a screw-up.

As there are a few questions to get through, one way for me to organize and recall them is time-based — I.e. whether the questions are targeted at negative emotions about the present, past, or future. That being said, that’s just one way to do it — the questions work perfectly well on their own, and some of them have relevance to past, present, and future at the same time.

Let’s start with the most important segment of questions: the present.

Dealing with the present

1. Rather than worry about people or things that I cannot influence, what is one small task that I can do right now, that is within my control?

“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control.” — Epictetus, Discourses

Getting started on a small task that is within my control is the best way to remind myself that that is what I should be focusing on, rather than the actions of others.

2. “Why is this so unbearable? Why can’t I endure it?” You’ll be embarrassed to answer.

Our challenges — most of the time — are fairly mundane. At any point in time, people all around us are dealing with things that are far more taxing. This is a direct quote from Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations, and every time I ask myself this question, it’s helped me put my own relatively minor issues in perspective.

3. Is this thing that I am about to do consistent with the person I want to be?

“The work of philosophy is just this, to examine and uphold the standards, but the work of a truly good person is in using those standards when they know them”. — Epictetus, Discourses

I’ve always been good at putting things off. I’ll eat KFC two days in row and say to myself — tomorrow I’ll eat a healthy meal. But there is only the present, and if I can’t hold to my standards in the small things, how will I hold to them for the things that matter? This question, posed at the right time, becomes an important way to pull myself back in the moment from giving into temptation.

Facing the future

4. Do I want to be miserable in advance about things that could happen, and in that way be miserable my entire waking life?

“It is ruinous for the soul to be anxious about the future and miserable in advance of misery, engulfed by anxiety that the things it desires might remain its own until the very end…such a soul will never be at rest…[and] will lose the ability to enjoy present things” — Seneca, Moral Letters

I ask this question to remind myself that worrying my entire life away is a real possibility.

5. Should the thing I am worrying about happen, why do I not have faith that I can handle it, like any of the challenges I’ve faced before?

“Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

When I worry about the future, I usually tend to focus on the things that could happen, rather than asking myself if I’ll be able to handle it. When I ask this question, it’s a way of reminding myself that I have faced numerous challenges and inconveniences in my life, and after all of it — I’m still here. So there’s no reason to think I can’t handle the typical challenges that come my way.

6. Should I not be fulfilled in my daily work, rather than chasing the fleeting happiness of an uncertain outcome?

“In short, the wise man looks to the purpose of all actions, not their consequences; beginnings are in our power but Fortune judges the outcome, and I do not grant her verdict upon me.” — Seneca, Moral Letters

It’s easy to be focused on the next big outcome — like getting that next promotion. But if we do that, we’ll spend 99% of our time in anticipation of an outcome that may or may not happen, in a state of perpetual anxiety.

Instead, we should spend that time being proud of our actions, and of doing our part in society.

Focusing on the means, rather than the end, is what we need to be happy.

7. Who is this person whose approval I am seeking, and do I wish to continue basing my happiness on their approval?

“I’m constantly amazed by how easily we love ourselves above all others, yet we put more stock in the opinion of others than in our own estimation of self” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

One desired future ‘outcome’ that has a particularly strong hold on most of us is the desire for the approval of others.

Explicitly naming the person whose approval (or lack thereof) is affecting my entire day is a way for me to remind myself that no one should have that ability to take away my happiness like that.

Accepting the past

8. What kind of person would I be if I never faced any challenges?

“…the mind adapts and converts any obstacle to its action into a means of achieving it. That which is an impediment to action is turned to advance action. The obstacle on the path becomes the way” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

“I judge you unfortunate because you have never lived through misfortune. You have passed through life without an opponent — no one can know what you are capable of, not even you.” — Seneca, On Providence

In all likelihood — a weak and boring one.

If there’s one thing that’s certain about life — is that we will all face challenges. In many ways, those challenges are amplified the older we get — with illness, the loss of loved ones, and greatly expanded responsibilities creating the possibility of greatly expanded screw-ups.

Challenges that we face now are an important way of training our resilience and ability to adapt to more difficult situations we may face in the future.

And if nothing else — they make you a more interesting and faceted person — no one can relate to someone who’s perfect.

When I reflect on opportunities I’ve missed, insults thrown at me, or bad decisions I’ve made in the past — I remember that all of these things made me stronger…and probably a more interesting, less one-dimensional person.

9. Am I grateful enough for everything that has been given to me to this point?

“You need very few things to be happy…when you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive — to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

These quotes from Meditations are self-explanatory. It’s easy to compare ourselves with others, and to regret decisions we’ve made in the past — but if we take just a little bit of time to pause and reflect on the blessings we’ve been given — we can remind ourselves that we have just what we need to be content.

So in summary — take a morning walk, listen to some calming music (I can recommend the ‘Floating in Space’ playlist on Spotify) — and try asking these questions the next time you have a rough day. I hope they can help you as much as they’ve helped me!