Connection, not homeschooling, will define us as parents during COVID-19
Four things parents need to start doing right now
When I walked into my daughters bedroom last night, I found this poem on her desk. I choked up as I began to see the pandemic through the eyes of a 10 year-old.
The fear, panic and uncertainty is all getting worse and our children can feel it as each day passes and they are still at home, unable to resume the life they once knew- one that allowed them to see their friends at school, play freely in the neighborhood and hug their grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles, without concern for illness or loss of life. The words in this poem signal a powerful message about where our priorities ought to be for our children right now. We need to connect deeply to build resilience.
Kids are feeling alone and disconnected while educators and parents are focused on curriculum
Over the past few weeks, parents have been inundated with information from schools, news and social media on how to respond most effectively to the COVID-19 outbreak, including how to educate their children at home. If your district is anything like mine, you’ve received multiple emails daily from teachers, specialists and administrators with information about accessing various online programs. It’s been overwhelming to say the least. I’ve personally been strained by the mental exhaustion that the pandemic has brought to daily life, the conflicting information communicated at local, state and national levels and the immense pressure to formally teach my kids at home. From transitioning my own graduate level courses to an online format and supporting my students while also checking in on family members and helping my daughters make sense of it all — it’s all too much. Moreover, I am experiencing challenges from a privileged position and can only imagine the inequities this situation is creating and intensifying among those less privileged. As a country, our priorities are largely misplaced. We are more focused on accessing online curriculums and figuring out how to “homeschool” than uniting as families and communities and helping to problem solve for the greater good. Kids are feeling alone and disconnected while educators and parents are scrambling to continue their curriculum online.
Lean into the power of human connection
Now, more than ever, it is critical to connect with our children- to hold them, love them and be patient with them through the storm. We are in a time of crisis and our children will be forever shaped by this experience. For that reason, we’ve got to get our priorities straight and focus on what matters. Our children need us to teach them the power of human connection as a way to build resilience and overcome loneliness and isolation. Here are some strategies for connecting in meaningful ways:
Listen to understand. This includes intentionally placing our attention on what our kids need right now. It’s probably not a traditional math lesson. Instead, consider listening to understand and using inquiry to direct the structure of their days right now. If a child likes to play music, write poems or dance, do that. Or, if they prefer baking, building, soccer or playing catch, go with that. Make it fun, reduce the stress and incorporate lessons into everday activities. There are also opportunities to influence relationships our children have with their communities, country and the world. For example, asking questions to older children such as “What role can you play in helping your community or country?” may surface ideas and strengths you never knew your child had. You may learn that your child has a contribution to make to a virtual community talent show or a new way to learn from classmates during virtual meetings.
Role model what matters. Forget formal homeschooling and any attempt to be a classroom teacher. As parents, we are our children’s greatest teachers and visa versa- and we don’t need a strict daily schedule to succeed. By modeling for them where our priorities are in a time of crisis, we can teach them life skills that will forever shape how they move forward and adapt to the challenges that lie ahead. Our behavior and energy matters — all day, everyday. Are we glued to the news and social media or are we self-disciplined enough to tune in only at certain times of the day? Are we panicked? Are we practicing social distancing and self-care? Do we have healthy coping skills? Are we demonstrating an ability to adapt to the changes taking place at work and school? Are we taking their opinions and feelings into account when we structure our days? Are we flexible? As parents, our response matters. This does not mean we should hide our own feelings of grief about this pandemic, but rather be open to communicating with our kids about it and mindful in how we respond. Many of us have the opportunity to shape the narratives for our children from one of fear and loneliness to one of love, gratitude and deep connection.
Create opportunities for self expression. By giving our children opportunities to express themselves, we can learn more about how they are processing this new way of being in the world and begin conversations focused on problem solving around a shared purpose. The poem above is a good example of this and was the impetus for a conversation about loneliness and what we can do to feel more connected. Expression through writing, dance, song, playing music, acting, running, playing, etc. are healthy outlets for stress relief and also ways in which families can connect.
Connect in new ways. Similarly, it’s important for children to have opportunities to connect regularly with friends and extended family members. We must be mindful of the fact that most school-aged children spend the majority of their daytime hours with friends. With social distancing measures in place, connecting with friends can be challenging but it’s not impossible. For those with access, it means connecting via phone or computer. Web-conferencing platforms such as Zoom or Skype make it easy for people to see each other, share screens and chat back and forth. In some communities, children have been walking to friends homes to read messages and jokes posted on the front door and talking to each other from a distance, even if it’s only for a few minutes. It’s time to be creative, expressive and embrace new ways of connecting.
This will define who we are as parents
I’d like to think that our children will be able to look back at this moment and remember how their parents were present and engaged and made them feel safe when the world was not. Maybe this is too optimistic for the U.S. or maybe not. In the mean time, I do know this: we all have a choice about whether or not to intentionally show up for our children at this moment. We have the opportunity to change the narrative by interrupting fear with love and shaping their relationships with the world around them to build resilience during a time of crisis.
