You are a rock star! Although, I don’t have a clue about how you actual FEEL, I know the ravages of BP. My mother is BP2; my wife is BP1. It SUCKS and you know what? You can have the life you create. I married my wife already having the DX. Sure, I knew it’d be tough and I also knew how HARD she works every moment of every day to be an active, healthy & happy participate in her life. Take your meds — a diabetic takes their insulin, so why not take meds that for the most part make you feel better. Also, keep in in mind — you are MORE than 18 and Bipolar. You have many more facets/layers that make up who you are. And no, I didn’t have to guess you are a tad manic…I could recognize that a mile away. Write, dance, smile, cry, READ, sleep, work out, love passionately — these are the things that make you special, will make you feel better and make our world a better place. Lastly, when you begin to barely feel something “off”, I guarantee you it is off and that those closest to you recognized it as well. Call your shrink, therapist, best friend & say something. It’s easier to stop a train before it leaves the station than once it’s full speed ahead. You will succeed at creating a wonderful life. Thank you for your post. Peace.