Traveling with teens, the good, the great and the tough stuff.
Traveling with teens is easier than babies, I’ll agree with that 100%. We now have 3 teens, currently on an extended trip in Costa Rica. And even though we don’t have to deal with diapers, feeding dilemma’s and public tantrums, there’s a different set of parenting challenges that you face when you bring teens on the road with you.
It’s easy to post pictures on Facebook, blab about all the amazing adventures you’re having, preach about all the great educational experiences you’re ‘giving’ your teens as you take them to exotic locations …but there’s another side to the story too. The in-between the photo’s, behind the scenes conversations about what they’re missing at home. Their friends, their freedoms, their comforts and sometimes even their loves that seem so far away when you’re on the road.
My wheels started turning a lot more on this discussion in a recent, highly participated in, Facebook group conversation with a bunch of worldschooling parents debated on this very issue. We were definitely not the only ones dealing with kids who aren’t always happy to be away! Parents shared their truths about what it’s really like to have kids who aren’t always on board with the whole travel concept. Lot’s of talk about how draining it is to have your dear little ones lamenting at things they are missing from home, rather than enjoying the amazing experience they are having (their parents dream, that they’ve been taken along on for the ride).
There’s a lot at stake, the investment of travel, the dreams, the stresses, the plans, the budgeting and everything else that goes into creating an experience for a family. This can put a lot of stress on the adults, albeit, that is the adults job and it’s purely driven by choice.
I think that’s where the conundrum begins, travel is often the parents choice — kids get(have) to come along for the ride. Even if the trip is great, the loss of personal freedom and feeling of choice in the matter can be a big dissatisfaction factor.
Ask any Gap-Year student — they pick the journey, they get the freedom- travel joy levels increase 100x.
A couple other factors are involved. 24/7 with family can be a bit tiring. In regular suburbia life, most members of the family have a little “life” on their own, either a work, school, with friends, in fitness and activities and whatever else that is done separately. This gives you things to talk about, ways to express yourself and a healthy balance of personal time and family time. When you’re traveling in foreign countries especially, a lot of this personal freedom is taken away. I know with our teens, they aren’t heading out on their own alone or just with peers, they’ve lost a lot of the independence that they had at home.
As with everything, there’s pro’s and cons. Let’s break family travel down. I’ve written a lot about the pro’s, but I’m willing to talk about the cons too!
The Good: educational, exciting adventures, trying new things, culture and language immersion plus a lot of family bonding happens when you experience these things together. Trips are great for perspective, they are great to see the world a little differently. There’s the advantage of stepping out of regular routine that helps us all to think creatively and more inclusively and then there’s also the budget advantage — the truths behind how much cheaper it is to live in foreign countries versus the typical North American life.
The Great: Gaining confidence, seeing differently ways of living, seeing opportunities outside of your home base, learning languages and cultures. When it comes to raising confident & competent teens, I do believe it is the parent’s job to present a smorgasbord of experiences to kids and help them taste a large variety, see what lights them up, intrigues them, and then give them an environment that encourages them to follow their own truth. Travel is a great smorgasbord of all of that.
The Tough Part: Missing out on experiences at home. Losing close friendships, missed team opportunities, safety and security. Each child is certainly different. Some children thrive in new and unfamiliar environments, some do — parent’s are responsible for honouring that.
There’s no quick answer. Yes, there’s general malaise and complaining and then there’s pain, hurt and all out fighting. How we figure that out in our own families is our own journey. Having open conversations is a great way to start. The platform of a family conversation where everyone feels truly safe to share their truth can help you dive into whatever is happening at the moment.
As long as your children are home, caregivers and the ultimate choice makers, but in general, we do a better job when we take a moment to consider all the factors, consider each life that is being affected.
The truth is, our kids are only with us for a short time in our lives. We may have a travel bug that puts butterflies to shame, but if it doesn’t work for everyone else in our family-there is something to be said about choosing your battles.
And don’t ask me on a day where I’ve just listened to my 3 teens complain about their tough life, as we watch the sunset on a peaceful beach…it might not be quite as patient!
