-an existential confirmation of existence-

Why? That is the question that Keith raised in a meeting today. Why do you exist, what is your purpose, what are your hopes and dreams? What aspirations do you hold and towards what goals do you strive?

The question at hand is not just an empty statement meant to hang in the air or to hold it’s own weight; it requires an answer, an explanation, a delineation and support of its foundation. This is going to be an attempt at that answer, an honest attempt to communicate my position. I would like for the reasons behind my actions to be understood & the motivations that ultimately drive me to be more clear. So without further delay or laborious exposition.

With an existential question as this, one has to go pretty deep down the rabbit hole to get at the kernel of truth that is behind the veneer of everyday actions and long term plans. I am ultimately driven by a desire to achieve something of significance. To leave the world a better place than when I found it. And altruistic endeavors are naturally aligned with this perspective. I’m not sure what myriad of events and happenstance has led me to form this opinion, maybe it was reading Singer’s One World at a formative age or my general interest in ethics and philosophy at that time.

For a long time I wasn’t a very happy human being. That was a confluence of a number of issues, some of which were self reinforcing and mutually dependent on one another. I’m sure it was evident at work and to those that knew me at that time. From struggling with my own identity, to coming to terms with loss, or the myriad of other concerns that could get me down. I had certainly dug a pretty deep hole for myself and it has been a long way back up. I am truly thankful to all those that helped, tried to help, or at least didn’t contribute to actively trying to drown me in dread. To my first boyfriend I am eternally grateful for letting me experiment with another human’s emotions in such a personal and deep way, I apologize for any scars that I left and hope that the net result was positive. To my current boyfriend I am so thankful for your perseverance with me and pushing me to do, achieve, and strive for more. I don’t think I would be where I am today without your care, encouragement, or love. I can honestly say that I am finally out of the emotional hole that I have so long ago meticulously dug for myself. Life isn’t perfect yet, but if there was no challenge I don’t think I would be enjoying it as much. Thank you both for that. My goal is to learn from my mistakes and when faced with similar situations to do less harm and if all goes well then it’ll be more good & we are back to altruism.

In my ultimate desire to help people, whether it’s by the work I do & the cause it helps support. Or with my involvement with Startup Weekend/etc where I attempt to inspire, support, and encourage the ethic of entrepreneurship and the startup ethos. Whether by helping organize the event, volunteering my time to make the event an awesome experience, or trying to impart some kernel of wisdom to the participants all in the spirit of altruism and in the hope that a net good will come from all these actions. All together this demonstrates the drive that fuels me: I am genuinely interested in helping people and the larger the effect of my actions the bigger the change I can affect and the larger the contribution is to my collective desire in changing the world for the better.

One action at a time.