A LETTER TO MY SON AS HE TURNS 21

My darling boy,

I have not met you but I already love you. You were an amazing child and now you have turned out to be a great man.

As you turn twenty one, I need you to pay careful attention to these words:

You are now a man; there is a very big difference between being male and being a man.

Manhood connotes accountability. You must hold yourself to a higher plane of responsibility; you must be responsible for yourself, your actions and words. As you enter this new phase of your life, I hope you remember all that have taught you to be. Your words should be backed by actions; in all you do, you must never make promises you do not intend to keep and you should not speak hastily or in anger.

Manhood connotes commitment. You should be committed to yourself, your goals, your family and your friends. Without commitment, you would not go as far as you ought to; you would lose out on greatness.

Manhood connotes integrity. Even in the face of blatant misdeeds and corruption, set yourself apart from the hoard. You are my son and I know I raised a man.

Manhood connotes confidence. I want you to take some time to know yourself so that you would not be defined by the opinions of people who do not even know who they are. You must understand that opinions are the lowest form of knowledge as they demand no research and no accountability. You must define yourself; see yourself through your own mirror and confidently be who you are.

Manhood connotes strength. My boy, strength no be muscle. As beautiful as physical might is, you must build yourself spiritually, mentally and intellectually. You must be able to see beyond what is before you and find hope in the midst of shambles. I hope your father and I were wealthy enough to shield you from the pangs of poverty and penury, more than anything, I hope we have set an example on the value of strength. Strength means you can walk away from a fight, it means not every slight requires a comment from you and most important of all, strength means perseverance in the midst of adversity.

Manhood connotes empathy. You must learn to accept people as they are. It is not your duty to mould people into what you want them to be. In your acceptance of people, you must either accept them as a whole or leave them to be. Train yourself to understand the subtle difference between a flaw and a bad trait. Accept people’s flaws but never condone a bad trait especially one that contradicts your values. Try to see things from other people’s perspective and above all, do not judge people; you are not their Maker.

Manhood connotes kindness. Be kind to everyone you meet; even the arseholes, they need it more. Give what you have but never borrow in order to lend to another or stand as surety for another man’s debt. Never allow your kindness be manipulated and fashioned into a form of slavery. Above all else, never turn down the opportunity to brighten another person’s day or life.

Manhood connotes the ability to love. Love everyone you meet. Radiate so much love that no one comes in contact with you without feeling blessed.

When you do pick a woman to love, I hope you can see past her outward appearance and into the essence of the choice you make. Respect her, listen to her, give her your time and focused attention, learn who she is and love who you find that she is ,never make her feel lonely in your presence, give her enough space to breathe and to be who she is and trust that if she is yours she won’t wander.

In your romantic dealings with the fairer sex, whether on a short term or long term basis or even if it is for a night; my dear boy, all I have to say to you is RESPECT her. Treat her like you would want me to be treated.

When all is said and done all I want is for you to be happy. Happiness abounds all around us, all you need to do is to open yourself to it and let it in.

I love you so much and I hope I have raised you to know the difference between being male and being a man and even more subtle, the difference between being a man and being “the man”.

Whoever you are, I will be proud of. I do not demand or expect perfection from you; all I want is for you to be the best that you can be. I can’t wait to meet your father so I can meet you.

Forever yours,

Mommy.