Layoffs.
This is the word that many big tech companies these days have been bombarding us with in order to get through the economic uncertainties.
In the early morning of last Friday, when I was probably in a deep sleep, my company, too, announced the layoff of 12,000 employees. And unfortunately, I was one of those impacted.
When I read a company email saying that my job was being eliminated effective immediately, I initially thought it was some sort of a scam. I thought to myself, “Hey come on. Who would be so gullible to fall for such a silly email? You have to be smarter than that to be a “trusted” scammer.”
However, it only took a few minutes before I viciously learned that it was an irreversible and undeniable fact. At first, it felt unreal. Then, I felt an excruciating pain, as if someone had slashed my heart. I felt betrayed, as if one of my best friends had stabbed me in the back. I felt abandoned, as if I were stranded in the middle of nowhere without a cell signal. The world around me lost all its colors in an instant.
That weekend, I stayed overnight with some close friends. I wanted to vent about what just happened to me with them. As we were talking and commiserating about my situation, SOMETHING in my mind shifted by what my friends told me.
“Lois, you were planning to leave your company for a new job in a couple of years anyway. So, just consider this as that change happening earlier than planned. It might not be as easy as you think if you leave your current prestigious and comfortable job at a time of your choosing. So, you should appreciate that your company has thrown off the bowlines on your behalf. Plus, it has given you some $$, too.”
“Appreciate the company throwing off the bowlines on YOUR behalf.”
This sentence has come back to me again and again just like a famous hook in a song, lingering in my heart throughout the whole weekend. Then, I reflected on the last 30 years of my work life. I recalled the things I have achieved, the things I have missed, and the things I should have done.
Next, I started to write up everything I still want to try. Within a day, I had come up with a list of more than 15 projects which I have always wanted to experience for myself. This list includes working at a place like a Trader Joe’s, a Starbucks, a bookstore, a library or working as a dog sitter, a caregiver, a babysitter or a clinic receptionist.
Those experiences will give me a first-hand connection with people, the basics of life and the economy. In my previous corporate jobs for over 30 years, I was distant from and out of touch with those who actually used the products or services that I worked with. I hardly heard directly from these users if they loved or hated our products, and why.
While making that list, suddenly, the world became colorful as it used to be, and I feel a thrill and sense of excitement that I need now. I am elated about what is waiting for me. Of course, I approach these jobs in a humble way.
Probably, I am and surely will continue to go through the typical seven stages of grief — shock, denial, anger, bargaining, guilt, depression, and acceptance and hope. Each stage may not be happening in order or be completed one after the other. Each of them will come and go, like ebbs and flows, for a few more days, weeks, or months.
However, it is not in doubt that this forced change allows me to see a bigger and different world which I had previously overlooked. My future may not be as sweet as cotton candy, nor as warm as a cashmere sweater, nor as predictable as the sunrise anymore, but it will be filled with exciting and interesting adventures.
The other day, as it is too typical of me, I made a typo in an email to a friend. Instead of saying “I am one of the layoffs”, I said, “I am one of the Playoffs.” (haha!) But you know what? I genuinely feel like I am advancing to one of the Playoffs.
Mark Twain once said, “Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So, throw off the bowlines! Sail away from your safe harbor. Explore. Dream. Discover!”
*Update on Jan. 31**
In fact, as one of the first items on my list, I had a job interview at a Trader Joe’s for a part time position last week. And I got the job!
I took an onboarding session at TJ today. During the session, one of the TJ’s business practices caught my attention, “We, Trader Joe’s, don’t do PR. They are a waste of money. If you give customers great products at great prices, why do you need one?” (I have devoted my entire life to PR… 😱)
