If I am going to die anyways, why bother living?
I spent some time to pray for you and put some thoughts into this question. This is not a question to be taken lightly.
God created you with the purpose to live for His glory.
God created you
If you believe there is a God and accepted Jesus Christ as personal LORD and savior, you are not your own. Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God. You are not your own; you were bought at a price (1 Corinthians 6:19). You are loved unconditionally by God.
God has a purpose for you
Although God created people with different gifts and circumstances, God has a purpose for every person. God can use a severely autistic and disabled person for his glory. Our worth is not determined by how we look, how good our grades are, how popular we are, or how others look at us. Our worth is determined by what God has done for us.
Our purpose is to live for God’s glory
Let’s define the word glory. Glory is like that 16 year old swimmer who got four gold medals. Glory to us as young men may mean getting good grades in school, being popular, perhaps have a hot girlfriend, making lots of money in a job… Notice why most of us are addicted to video games, the programmers design the game in a way that you get a sense of glory as we progress in the video game. The sense of getting glory for ourselves is what drives us.
When God is glorified in our lives, it may look something like this… We confess and repent from our sinful ways out of our love for Christ. We read and live out God’s Words. As our lives are being changed by the Gospel, people around us may start to notice. We then have the opportunity to share with them what God is doing in our lives.
Let me finish with this, I am aware that you are living with a lot of pain and hurt in your life. You may be angry at God that He created you in this way and in circumstances that is unbearable. It may make no sense to you why God does this to you. I encourage you to live for God’s glory by faith.
Practically, if you keep persevering with God’s Word and prayer, you are used by God as you influence the brothers in your youth group and your classmates. As people see the change in your life, they may follow your example and God is glorified.