When in Love Can You Ignore A Slap?
Not a Review. Not a Rant.
I had a lot to say after watching Arjun Reddy. I had a lot to say when Kabir Singh released.
I had so much to say when I watched the director and writer, Sandeep Vanga Reddy’s interview. Lashing out at all the “pseudos” criticising his blockbuster, super entertaining movie loved by a whole lot of Indians. And so many women, which he kept on professing again and again. The kind gentleman never heard of a term called, internal misogyny which we all harbour within us, just the degree varies. The pseudos found his movie disrespectful towards women. Well, here what he said in his defence.
“When you are deeply in love and deeply connected to a woman (and vice versa), if you don’t have the liberty of slapping each other, then I don’t see anything there.”
I won’t say anything that has not been mentioned. So I am not going to touch this topic.
Now coming to Thappad and how it leaves behind a series of questions long after the movie has ended. It confuses you as you might have expected it to be a story that paints one gender, namely the heterosexual men as the quintessential villain. Thappad does not bank on the narrative of the “battle of sexes” neither does it have an idealistic take on women empowerment.
The story tries to understand and make observations about patriarchy as a social system, its ugly hold on women and equally negative impact on men.
This movie is a more nuanced take on the normalised social evil like Domestic Violence which is told with different characters from varying backgrounds and life experiences.
The focal point of Thappad is when the female lead Amrita, played effortlessly by Taapsee Pannu, decides to end her marriage when she is slapped by her husband in a fit of rage.
Depiction of each character, their situations, their lived experiences and the conditioning they have received gives us a layered insight into how we normally think of abuse; just an incident, a case or maybe a couple’s tiff that needs no space in the public domain.
This layered approach is especially well depicted between Amrita’s parents played by the crazy talented duo of Kumud Mishra and Ratna Pathak Shah.
A father standing firmly by his daughter’s side, but at the same time, realising how he unintentionally sidelined his wife’s aspirations consumed by his entitlement.
Your heart goes out for the mother (essayed perfectly by Ratna Pathak) who recounts how she had to give up on her dreams because she was taught to be a good homemaker. Isn’t that what we train our daughters from the very beginning? “Baahar jitna bhi kaam kr lo, ghar aake to roti banani hoti hai”, “Ghar sambhalna auraton ka kaam hota hai” and all that perpetuates the narrative of socially acceptable gender role of a woman.
She also calls out her husband’s convenient silence in passively pushing her to take a backseat and look after their family and home. You know then that patriarchy has actually not been any good for either gender.
Coming back to the main leads, Amrita who goes through a tumultuous time knowing how difficult it will be to give up what she had always wanted. Still, she is willing to trade the happy-rosy-picture-perfect married life for the basic dignity that she deserves.
It was “just a slap” not an assault, but it brought forth the toxicities of her marriage which she had been ignoring. Tapsee plays the character with conviction.
A homemaker who does not expect any less treatment simply because she deserves it. Not because she cooks well, or maintains the house nicely, or the fact that she cared for her mother-in-law.
She specifies how she is filing her petition not in the hope to get compensated for the love and care she showered on the family. But in response to the humiliation which was inflicted on her with that slap.
She realises her decision will not lead to instant gratification or even happiness, but it might give her some peace.
Pavail Gulati plays the role of a well-educated, ambitious, modern man who is loving and caring, but neither does he realise, nor acknowledge his internalised sexism. He brilliantly embodies the psyche of an entitled heterosexual man who casually comments: “Agar chalana nahi aata toh gaadiyan leke kyun nikalti hain ye?”, or hinting with disdain, “Fir nayi gaadi, aisa kya kaam karti hai” with a know-it-all arrogance on his face.
Instead of apologising for slapping his wife and humiliating her publically, he shifts the entire focus on himself. He can’t get over the fact of how difficult it was for him to deal with the news of being overlooked for a promotion. Something he had been eyeing for a very long time and had worked really hard for it. The slap was just collateral in the main scheme of events that transpired in that fateful party. The world revolved around him.
If you haven’t already, then do watch Thappad with your family and have a full-fledged discussion. Talk to your parents, to your siblings, your partner, boyfriend/girlfriend and know their views and how they can draw analogies with what’s happening around. Don’t shy away from having difficult conversations.
We normalise a lot of sexism, problematic behaviour like gaslighting, controlling and emotional abuse in relationships. Which needs to be addressed as well. And yes, none of it is gender specific. Abuse in relationships is not a sign of a passionate love affair. Period.
To top it, physical assault can’t and shouldn’t be normalised. Even if it’s a slap.
