Stephanie — I hate so much that I can relate to your post. I lost my 30 year old brother last year. He, too, was destined for greatness. I, too, am changed forever at a cellular level. I went through all the things you mentioned including considering getting a tattoo to memorialize my brother (I made it as far as having my husband draw it on me with permanent marker), crying in every private place available, and quitting my job. I remember that feeling of going for a run and feeling alive, enjoying being in my physical body (also a great time to cry). I remember starting to see the beauty in the world around me and feel deeply grateful for those who supported me through the darkest of days (my husband especially). I read your post 5+ times. It was so helpful for me to see my experience “on paper.” Here’s a big hug to you from another sister who lost her sweet brother. Carpe diem.