What About Your Friends.

Yesterday I sent a text and I think I may have been unclear, maybe not. After being asked how my day was going my response was that yesterday wasn’t a good day, in a space that was proving to be very difficult and that I would never reach out. That’s not me. (It was an attempt to circumvent the if you need to talk call me. Maybe even an open for conversation. Not sure, I am in a space.)The reply was ok I respect your space and I’ll text you to let you know that I’m thinking of you. The text conversation became superficial, trying to change my space I switched the conversation and said no worries. Then, talked about a dress I had just bought and going to Michael’s. She asked what I got. I responded, then nothing. I’m sure she was busy. Now, as I’m writing this out and putting thought into it I’m not totally sure I want to be bothered in explaining anything further about why I said that I would never reach out, that’s not me. Like I didn’t want her to take me saying I would never reach out the wrong way, but it’s true. This is my attempt to explain.

People will say call me if you need to talk. That’s the wrong thing to say if you truly want to help your friend. Your friend will never call. If they do then it’s not that serious. In my opinion the responsibility of care shifts to the friend who sees and senses something different to take a step forward and do the reaching, because honestly by now, by the time you’ve actually realized that your friend is struggling with something, they’ve been in it for quite some time. They are leaking at this point, having a time of hiding, suppressing, convincing themeselves that they aren’t worth a conversation about anything, etc. A rough time indeed. It is unhealthy to hold things in.

We don’t take care of each other like we should. When was the last time you asked a friend are they ok? How is everything going and truly mean it? Not just a pleasantries so you can move into what’s happening with you. Or just to check in real quick, to say you checked in real quick. Honestly, I’d rather be left alone. Don’t bother me and I won’t bother you. No sense in adding irritants like a “friend” who isn’t listening when you are trying to talk. We can have lots of conversations about what’s happening in your world and you would never know the turmoil that’s happening with me. Admittedly I am jaded. There have been way too many instances where it’s been made clear to me that people really do not care enough to simply care. I am guarded. I own that. I also patiently wait and remain open to an opportunity to let my guard down.

I believe it’s a result of us not coming out of our space enough to fully enjoy a friendship. Where we share ourselves with people who mean something to us. Not aquaintences whom we half converse with while we scroll through our feeds; answer other calls and carry on text conversations. We have stopped being present in our friendships. Maybe that is behind why so many people speak negatively about friendships. How they are not like they used to be. There is no loyalty, I have none, frienemies and the like. That may be asking for too much. Recently a few friendships have unceremoniously ended. People were been downgraded tremendously. It was my intent to put as much energy into the friendship as they did. Well guess what? Here we are, not even sending birthday or holiday texts. Friends now people we used to know. It is a disheartening at times, because sometimes you could really just use a friend.