Don’t Even Try to Dance to James PM

Jack Loveless
Sep 1, 2018 · 3 min read

As someone who can appreciate every type of music, I have definitely dipped my toes in the waters of EDM. Electronic Dance Music has long been one of my favorite types of music. I love getting a little too tipsy and just losing my shit on the dance floor to some Calvin Harris or Steve Aioli. Those guys really know how to make a crowd move and GET TURNT! One time my cool friend gave me a half a dose of mollies at voodoo fest and I just strait up went hard as heck to some Dj Snake y’all. So when I saw that Baton Rouge had it’s own very own EDM artist making songs I was thrilled, well, at least until I listened to it.

James PM has music on Spotify and Soundcloud, but don’t bother going to check it out unless you’re ready to YAWN. I drank an extra shot of espresso in my coffee from French Truck, cause I thought I was about to review and bopping artist with tons of bangers for me to cut a rug too. Instead I found myself staring off into the distance wondering if my life is completely empty, and that maybe being an opinion blogger is a meaningless existence where I only voice opinions that I steal from cooler more successful people than me like Michael Ian Black and parrot that into what I think a personality should look like. Like maybe having an opinion on the hottest cocktail of the year might just make me hollow shell of a human being and that even though there is no god, there is some force in the universe judging me, and my collection of matching scarfs and beanies. Sweat poured down my brow as I slowly gleaned that there isn’t anything of value to what I produce and that I might actively be making the world a worse place than it is by sucking resources and capital that could be used to help people in need, and funneling it instead into a nightmare life of producing empty emotionless content that will have no real impact on anyone.

Of course none of that is true and I am a really cool and important person. Anyways, don’t bother listening to this music if you are trying to dance and have a good time. James PM is obviously not worried about having his music played on the radio anytime soon, as made obvious by his “avante garde” style music which just seems like an excuse to mash a synthesizer over some slow beat. Just a tip Mr. James, people listen to EDM to have fun and dance, not have some artistic crap shoved down their ears that makes them stare out of a window and think about life or whatever. Maybe you should stop trying to be so creative and out of the box, and make a track that has a four on the floor beat and samples quotes from my favorite rap song. Then maybe you’ll get someone to actually dance to your music. Okay?

Jack Loveless
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