A step in the right direction

My last day of day-long treatment was this past Friday. I now transition into outpatient therapy. I will see a dietitian & therapist and attend the Buffalo Centre’s outpatient program three nights a week. I return to work at the end of this month (FINALLY!!!)

Tonight I would like to reflect on what I have learned as a result of being in treatment. I have articulated this a few times before, but I am realizing that I experienced various “symptoms” of an eating disorder. Particularly, I would restrict calories and avoid “bad” or “fear” foods. Then, I would fall into a cycle where I would crave these foods so bad that I would binge on them. I learned that the reason for this is that our brains need sugar! They need fat! So after a cycle of restricting, my brain would crave sugars that I didn’t know when or how to stop. Thus, I would feel guilty for days. I didn’t like myself.

Treatment has allowed me to challenge myself and incorporate fear foods into my diet. Additionally, I will be able to (hopefully) sustain a weight where I will not restrict or binge.

This weekend, I celebrated my recovery with my family. I enjoyed myself and enjoyed the food, too. I even incorporated fear foods… cupcakes! And, I woke up today NOT feeling guilty.

I am blessed to be alive.