relationships between people have particular patterns — causes and effects, actions and emotions — that repeat again and again over time.
What I learned from watching bad daytime T.V with an 88-year-old.
Tania Braukamper

Good point. But even when the actions and emotions are well meaning, our intention and our partner’s interpretation of our message can be completely different because of differing communication styles. According to linguist Deborah Tannen, Ph.D.:

No matter how dissatisfied people are with the results they are getting, they rarely question their way of trying to get results… we try harder by doing more of what seems self-evidently the right way to proceed. But when styles differ, more of the same is usually met with more of the same from the other party as well. As a result, far from solving the problem, our efforts only make things worse.