“We’re trying to bypass the awkwardness and bypass the vulnerability, and go straight to the good relationship.
5 things a tinder heartbreak and 100 days of romantic abstinence taught me
Jessica Semaan
25020

This is such a great quote and it sums up everything wrong with virtual relationships. Talking about love without ever meeting is crazy, but even worse things have happened to famous people.

Even when you meet someone in person, the whole “chemistry” thing that people talk about is just an illusion. We might see the hint of a couple of positives traits in another person and then project onto them everything else we think we want in a partner. After the initial romance fades away, we begin to strip away the fantasy and see the other person clearly.

Sometimes, there is enough good in the relationship that we choose to accept each other’s faults and real love* may develop. Unfortunately, in most cases, when we see something we don’t like so much, we make the mistake of thinking the other person changed, or lied to us about their true nature. And we lose all faith in ourselves because if we were wrong about that person we must be wrong about everything in our lives. But this process of disintegration forces us to learn about ourselves as you point out in #4.

I would highly recommend John Gottman’s “7 Principles for Making Marriage Work”, even before you are dating someone. You’ll learn what make a relationship successful.

Good luck in your journey.

*Love is something we choose to do, regardless of whether we receive love from the person we choose to love. According to M. Scott Peck:

“Love is the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth…”
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