I wear my ex boyfriends t shirt to bed hoping his old love will keep me warm till the next one comes. and i wear my past heartbreak as cuffs around my ankles reminding me how promises can hurt other people too. and i wear bracelets you gifted me as a truth of what love could be- if played right.
Love stories promise love, not a happily ever after.
August was when i allowed myself to have feelings for you (love is a choice)
September was the beginning I had always wanted (end of all the endings)
October was falling for you faster than the new season came (our first fight)
November was coffee shop dates (planning a future I couldnt have)
December was missing you (realizing you had too much of me)
January was a new beginning when i still loved ours (your friends were now mine and my friends werent anyones)
February was doubting and doubting and doubting (forgot how to fly)
March was forceful (cheating felt familiar)
April was me alone with a bottle of vodka (darkest spring ive ever had)
May was discovering the wings were out of practice (not missing)
June was anger, steamy, loveless, hopeful, and bright (too bright)
July was checking my pulse (if you really loved me)
August was losing a foothold (every door was locked but his)
September is recreating, resubmission, redos (Isaiah)
//
I wanted to write everything down so thus I couldnt forget what it felt to be loved. But now I sit and I think about someone touching me and I start to see actual bruises form before i can get concealer to hide them. Fingertips or a hickey? Cant tell the difference. Another shot may help me tell the difference. Those are old thoughts. But they are there, in all the glory. We were never right for eachother. I knew that the moment I met you. But I so desperately wanted the future I had planned with you. i wanted syria, but I wanted you more. I was told that it would take a year to get over someone. I used to give that advice out like free coffee at Woods. Want some advice? One year baby. One year and your heart will be fixed. Fixed from it all?
March 17th. March 19th. March 26th.
Ill take healing from it all if I can.
i wear my exboyfriends t shirt to bed trying to convince myself that if i loved him and still found you, then becuase i loved you i can still find someone new. and i wear my past heartbreak as cuffs around my ankles reminding me how there are always more chains to break. and i wear the bracelets you gifted me as a truth that we were happy once.
i want to apologize for saying you clipped my wings. no, i want to apologize for saying you clipping my wings wasnt a gift in itself. I dont want my own wings. I want an eagles wings. And you cant be my eagle. But neither can that, or him, or her.
My feelings have always been too heavy. And only stay for a minute. Not surprised, no one stays after a minute.
