its 12:47 in the morning.
i have this desperate need to shower.
twenty five boys have touched me.
if i could go back to being thirteen on that little play ground where my innocence was found and lost i would run home
shoeless was how i met him.
bruises on my neck from a place i didnt want him to touch was how i left.
he asked me what i was thinking.
i responded the lie “about my friends”
the truth? my mom would kill me if she knew i was here.
i asked what you were thinking
you said “you already know”
“i dont.”
i did.
then your hands were on me, we dont need to go over the rest.
shoeless and breathless was how i left.
remember when i showed up drunk to that hockey game?
you smiled at me from across the rink.
later caught me when i fell down the stairs.
why must i apologize for you putting your hands where i never wanted them?
if i could erase every moment with that love
the one of late night cuddles, secret moments, and taylor swift lyrics
if i could erase them all, just to erase that night, i would.
if i could go back and not kiss that boy at 13 and maybe never kiss any of you at all, i would.
i once had a vision.
this girl was wearing this disgusting robe, full of grime and the color red.
a magical prince took it off and replaced it with gold.
the next day he found her in the old robe again, the new one thrown away on the ground.
“it comes back”, she said, “whether i want it to or not”.
i wanted to scream at that girl, ask why she kept putting the old robe back on,
but i guess now thats its 1:17 and my skin is red from how hard i scrubbed it
i understand
it comes back to us, whether we want it to or not.
