I Don’t…
For many months now all that was on the lips of everyone I spoke with was plans for the big day. Tell me about excitement!!! Everyone was…’including me’ — I lied to myself. But everyone else was so excited, it was contagious and I had caught it. Oh well, what does what I think or feel matter right?
It was barely six months to my wedding and I was anything but excited. Why don’t you back out then? I know right? I should…I will. Yea right! You’ve been with this man for 4years and he has invested so much in you, you can’t just walk out on him — that would be callous. Besides he was God sent. There wasn’t an atom of fault in him. Maybe that was the problem; how can a human being like my very crazy self, like my siblings who were always at each other’s throat, like my friends whom I I’d argue with for the first 5 minutes each time we met up be so perfect. There was something just not adding up. He was too…perfect. How can that be a bad thing though? Maybe he was just extremely mature and learnt how to deal with issues in a more civilized way than me. Yes, that was it. I am quite feisty anyway. Quite confrontational and a little immature. God had blessed you with a flawless man and you complain? Such an ingrate.
I could do no wrong in Jude’s eyes, when I was a brat, he sent me on trips to cool off, hmm…this was more than a perfect man. We had met when I was in my final year in school, he was a ‘working class’ as we’d say back then. My friends adored him — my siblings loved him. ‘He’s just the right man for you, they said. No one can put up with your shit’. And they were right. I had driven almost every other boyfriend or suitor up the wall. My boyfriend preceding Jude on one occasion said to me, ‘I pray your next boyfriend beats the living day light out of you, you are so spoilt!’. I broke up with him instantly and he went on his knees immediately begging and crying. If I was that bad, why then did you want to remain with me?. ‘You are my wife and I love you’, he said through tears. Awww, how romantic. I forgave him and we dated for a few more months but parted ways eventually. So really Jude was putting up with a lot! Especially during the course of planning the wedding; boy was I a brat or what?! As calmly and as gentle as he’d been, he’d succumb to my tantrums and consent to anything I wanted. He was hell bent on making and keeping me happy. I on the other hand was as usual, insatiable.
The day finally arrived. There could never have been a more perfect moment. Everything was set. The flowers, the cake, my dress…it was heavenly. Still my heart was unsettled; I wanted to runaway. I remembered how Julia Roberts did great at that in the Runaway Bride movie. Why do I feel this way? It’s your wedding day, you are getting married to the perfect man — even though not the man of your dreams. The man of your dream was different, he made you tingle down there, hairs on your body stood whenever you were with him and you had butterflies in your tummy. The man of your dreams was strong and brave not the same way as Jude but in a way that made your heart skip many beats. The man of your dreams was…Just then my Chief Bridesmaid, Jessy walked into the room, that was odd because all day she had bounced into the room. And she walked in with a certain calm…I could have sworn her eyes had tears in them. So I searched them hoping it was what I was was thinking. ‘He’s not coming’, she said. ‘Who?’, I asked. ‘Jude’, she said…and like a Nollywood actress, I broke into a pretentious cry. Head in both arms trying so much to well up tears as my heart rejoiced. Yes! I said in my mind — better a broken engagement than a broken marriage. Jessy ran to me and held me crying as well, ‘I am so sorry’, she said…’so sorry’. I shook my head like I was inconsolable. ‘He shot himself’, she continued…I lifted my head in shock…by then the blood had drained from my face and horror filled it. I had succeeded in snuffing out life from yet another man. I screamed and broke into deep wails, this time genuine.
Looser 2
