How Writing My #BattletheBeast Entry Has Helped Me To Heal
One day while debating with my daughter over her opinion of my life choices, her now husband said, “You should write a book. You have a way with words.” Well I have written a book before. It was called Oneiromantic Voyage and it didn’t sell even one copy. I gave it away for free and well less than a dozen downloads but, one person took the time to write me and say, “It was a really trippy story.” They also told me I had a way with time but I needed to work on it a bit. I was on to something in how I told the story but I hadn’t quite gotten the hang of it just yet. My telling had holes in places it shouldn’t and needed holes in places I filled.
My other half and I both LOVE role play gaming. Our first adventure together was in the Airship Pirates universe. His telling of his adventures with his group is one of the main reasons I found the courage to try and get to know him. At the time, I didn’t think I had a chance in hell much less find myself in a 3+ year relationship with him. But I digress, he was, I’m sure still is a HUGE fan fiction reader. I can’t tell you how many different ways he’s read about the adventures of Harry Potter. He used to read so much fan fiction I’d often get jealous and wish I felt confident enough to write a story. Well, it wasn’t confidence as much as interest in the world enough to want to write in it. While I loved the idea of magic and school, the infancy of it all was just a bit …childish. Imagine my squeals of glee when I found The Magicians on Syfy. It was like the best of my favorite stories all in one gooey mind-bending treat. And then Wattpad has a contest where you can write about one of the times Quinton Coldwater battles the Beast. geekSqueal
In about four months it will be a year since I lost my love, my life and all the things I worked so hard to build crumbled to nothing. I was trying to lose myself in anything I could find to ease the pain and the character Penny was the perfect place to hide.
I use Twitter the way it was made to be used. A place where you can reach out and chat with others about nothing, share your thoughts or take note of something you want to check out later. So in my usual flirty way, I reached out and chatted with the actor who plays Penny. And he #tweeted back!
Wait, what? Yes, I know its recent. I deleted the account I was using back then. I went dark for awhile to clear my head. Oh no, I wasn’t the only person he was replying to but I was the one who influenced what he, at one time, had in his Twitter description “Polite AF”. Anyways, back then during a Facebook Live Q/A he asked us watching about different shows we thought would cross over and such. I mentioned Doctor Who and Sense8. I also suggested they look at getting a side story on Netflix. After the broadcast I would tweet him about books on time travel and other such novelties as he always seemed to respond. It was like having a virtual date. I even talked about my tweets to him that way a few times. Mind you, I was really hurt and it felt nice to make a connection but no, I did NOT think nor was I looking for a relationship. It was just nice to feel a part of something creative and magical. The more I read about Arjun and followed his podcast American Desis I started to feel like I might be coming across to him in a way I definitely did NOT want to be seen as. So in my grief I went dark. I shutdown everything. Not because I was scared or paranoid, just needed some space to get my head on instead of being so wrapped up into what other people thought of me. Or believed about me.
A second chance
So its 2017 and I’ve decided I have to move on. No, I’m still not interested in dating anyone or feel lonely because of this choice. More like I want to continue to do the things I had planned on or dreamed of doing with my god of mayhem. He would say, the gods will provide. And they have, I completed my entry in 3 parts. The first is the actual battle with the beast gone very wrong.
I’ve been able to take all the frustration, pain, hurt, anger and yes revenge and pour it into something I have the chance to see born and shared with others. And perhaps get out of debt all at the same time.
Indeed the gods do provide a way. All it really takes is a commitment to the belief, even in the darkest of times, you can find your way home. #StraightOuttaFillory