Autumn Sunrise

Days of waning light

In September of this year, along with many others, I plunged into the Shadowlands, realms of dark despair I hadn’t visited in many years. Time and distance matter not when it comes to emotions caused by traumatic events.

Over forty years ago, my drunk boyfriend tried to throw me over his second story balcony. I screamed at him to stop while his downstairs neighbor yelled at me to shut up. I didn’t die but I thought I might. He passed out surrounded by every single knife he owned. The next morning he said he didn’t remember it and took no responsibility for his behavior. “You bruise easily” was his only response.

I left but not for good. In the early 1970’s no one talked about domestic violence. Women’s consciousness raising groups were just getting started. When women circle, hearts open, words flow, experiences are shared but it was eight years before I learned patriarchy had a name, the white male system.

Fast forward to now. Toxic forms of masculinity are destroying us. Principles of power over, domination, control and violence, are violating humanity and ruining the planet.

We fight back.

#blacklivesmatter

#MarchForOurLives

#metoo

#neveragain

And so many more.

But lives and hearts are crushed daily in this land that was never truly free or equal. Our country is a travesty of destruction built on genocide and slavery. Like so many other civilizations, we are going down. There are days when I’m consumed by emotional agony — grief, fear, anxiety, and depression. It’s a valid response to insane social conditions.

Is it remotely within the realm of possibility to make a revolutionary paradigm shift? Can we quit our addiction to our out of control consumption of natural resources?

Who among us is willing to become a part of a Restorer Species? Who will care for the planet and gives back to Earth? Can we maintain clean air and water for future generations?

I don’t know.

I do know there are a few things that save me from total despair.

Maybe I’ll write about those another day.