Men who like women who don’t like themselves
Shannon Leigh
256

It is interesting how you chose a wolf — wolves like orca whales are among my favorite animals and they both have societies dominated by females. Same goes for horses where the myth of the stallion is little more than a myth men invented to feel better about themselves (presumably, because it doesn’t take lots of observation to see how a horse herd works).

I see two ways to read your story. One is strictly about a type of man women should avoid. That makes me think about my family of origin and my father. I actually don’t think that he was or is a bad person even if I put thousands of miles between us. Yet, he was bad for my mother and her insecurities about herself. All men should ask themselves if they are like that. But everything becomes fuzzy when one looks at it too closely and contradictions, degrees in quality and quantity make the assessment hard, nevertheless useful. So probably instead of deciding if we are that type of partner, we should look at how we could be less of it and how. Also, why is important to me because actually a non parasitic relationship is better. It is better, happier not to be part of one, whether one is the black hole or the star whose life is being wrung out.

The other read is gender neutral and applies to partners whatever they might be. I had women turn my mistakes, confusion, self doubt and insecurities in a cancer that drove me to the brink of self annihilation. Pushing and pushing until my mind was fractured and my will to live dry. I don’t regret even those. Pulling up from those fiery nose dives, spreading my wings and heading to the sky like a Phoenix was worthy the pain. I also think that it wasn’t their intention or desire. I am sure they see those moments and choices differently from how I do. Takes two to tango. Still, my afterburners remain on and my weapons remain hot, should anyone want to come too close.

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