I’m much larger than a size 26, and yet I don’t think I have half the angst I sense here (and in other pieces I’ve read by Your Fat Friend). This is in no way a criticism of the author, who always shows so much wisdom and depth. For my state of mind and heart, I can only credit a mysterious, near-miraculous reversal in my thinking that took place a couple of years ago: I just. Stopped. Caring. What they think. After 50 years of agonizing about my weight, my looks, my body, my lack of attractiveness, and what everyone thought of me, I finally started approaching the world as though the people in it were on my side. And what I have generally found is that they are.

When I’m out in public, I often smile at people — and I usually find that they smile back. I don’t see judgment as their primary mode of dealing with me, large as I am. I find that people tend to mirror back what I’m putting out to them. Occasionally someone will frown, and even then it often seems to me they’re just having a bad day of their own — it has nothing to do with any opinion of me. I think honestly people don’t really care that much about judging strangers encountered by chance; we’re all embroiled in our own lives first and foremost.

As for friends and family, perhaps I’ve been luckier than the author: none have ever put me down or been less than sympathetic to my struggles. I have one sister who has given me some much-needed straight talk on my health, which helped me see that I really do have to deal *now* with my weight as a medical issue (I’ve had congestive heart failure in the last 18 months, among other issues). To that end, I’m pursuing bariatric surgery later this year. But I have no illusions that I’ll ever be the thin, gorgeous me I used to dream about.

This is not to say that I haven’t had insults, careless or thoughtless remarks, and the like to deal with. But they seem to be the exception rather than the rule, and when they happen, it just doesn’t bother me much any more. It’s on them — it’s not my problem.

I don’t know how this reversal of thinking happened for me. I can only say that it’s the answer to many prayers, and only in the last couple of years have I really begun to accept myself and be happy.