Goodbye….. my friend.
The year was 2005, and I was just an 18 year old teenager who started his university education. I grew up as a pampered kid in a small town and I was suddenly dropped into the one of the big cities of real world, away from my comfort-zone. It was the first time, I was “on my own” making life decision that might have serious consequences on future. It was overwhelming to make sense of people and society. I realized that I do not belong there (or anywhere else at that particular time). I felt like a rebel who tried to fit in a place, where I was never supposed to be. Though, I made friends to “fit in” but I was rather lonely in this jungle. It was that time I found Linkin Park, and as it made sense to me, as it did to millions. I would go out and try to figure out the world and often fail as I was supposed to. I would come back and blast Linkin Park in my headphones, and often sing along as loudly as I can. Linkin park became a routine, a chapter in book of my life that I would read every day. It told me that we are all misfits in this world, trying fit in.

Last night, Chester hanged himself. Yes, I am referring to him on first name basis. I knew him — as a friend, as a companion on this journey who stayed with me for few years. And then I left. I stopped listening to Linkin Park. I grew out of the rebel phase and often found that their music has a certain negative energy, that I do not want in my life. But last night, it stuck me at once. There will be no more music from them. There will not be Linkin Park without him. Though, I am deeply sad but I understand why he did it. He was a tortured soul, and his lyrics explain them well. Numb, In the end, Somewhere I belong, crawling all were a masterpiece of insights into the dread that is the human existence. He left the clues pretty well in the lyrics.
I had may conversations why people like Linkin Park, the answers were many. I think the best one is that it’s like a therapy for them. It was a refuge for them from the abnormal world. Isn’t that what music is?… finding a world inside. Though their music was grim in a peculiar way, it was uplifting for the broken and beaten down. They taught that its okay to be be alone, its okay to fail and moreover, its okay to fall down and start afresh. It’s bleak irony that a person who guided many through the dark, got lost into it. Little did we know that the champion of fighting the dark monsters, would subdued to it. It is extremely sad, the way he went. Depression has hunted down another one the gems.
His death reminds again that how serious is the issue of depression. In the world, where people are ousted and ostracized when they bring up the word such as depression and anxiety, it is one of the most relevant issue that is being ignored. We distance ourselves from the people suffering from it, ignoring that their problems are real and the fact that such people are most vulnerable, and need a tiny bit of support to uplift themselves. Though I am deeply sad by demise of a legend, but honestly it wont affect me to a great extent. It would be one of those stories I tell that how sad I was when the lead singer of Linkin Park died. Like people tell about Robin Williams, Kurt Cobain, Amy Winehouse and others. However, there is important issue to address that depression. It is not just being sad, it is a disability that needs medical attention, acknowledgement and empathy. So the next time you feel like telling someone is depressed “you should stop being sad”, remember its a illness that has taken the best of us, like Chester Bennington. And an actual friend of mine. Every time someone popular dies, we feel this monumental sadness and find comfort that he/she was troubled human but forget that there are other, possibly near us suffering like that. Depression is more common that you can imagine, almost 5% of world population was suffering from it last year, and that only in last year. Yes, we have lost our idols to this devil, and there is nothing we can do. or perhaps we can, developing the empathy and fight towards removing the taboo related to depression.

As to the Chester, we have parted for good my friend. You said ‘In the end, it doesn’t even matter’. You were wrong. it did and it will for lot of us, you will be remembered forever. Hope you are in a better place. Goodbye!
