GOP Opens Borders for Unicorn-Refugees
Immigration, Love & The Hilariously Indeterminable Intentions of Humans
I laughed when Governor Nikki Haley delivered the part of her State of the Union Response Sunday night, which dealt with immigration. The way her party has been speaking about refugees and immigration is not funny. I just couldn’t help but laugh over such a fantastical suggestion, as if it could be easily translated into policy. I laugh, because I realize the refugee she, and the GOP would like to agree to allow into the country, is a unicorn.
Few of us are in the position to review the immigration-worthiness of a refugee — to be looking for that special refugee-someone, with all of the right refugee-qualities, who wants to enter America for what we feel are all of the right refugee-reasons. We have not spent a lot of time imagining the magical unicorn of refugees. But many of us have imagined, described, and with part of our heart, sought out a unicorn. We can look at this in a relatable way.
Most of us looking for love — or open to finding it, have set up some boundaries for whom we allow to get that close to us. As we loved, and learned—perhaps after we were hurt in a relationship, those boundaries likely became more defined. Still, we like to think we could consider accepting anyone who could exist within these boundaries. Any person who promises they will work for the relationship, are there to love us and share our values, and not to harm us, is someone we would review for relationship-material. That person should feel like they have a chance.
It’s not like we are giving just anyone a chance! We can’t. It’s important that we are able to determine the intentions of this person we might allow to love us & that they are ideal for the relationship. It must be verified that everything great about them will remain great — that their love and devotion will not waiver — and that they will never go back on their declared intention to not hurt us. Everything they have said must be true, and must remain so, in stone, forever.
Have you ever found a person such as this? If you have, you found a unicorn. Congratulations.
The rest of us, have not had this experience. The reason being — we are dealing with humans, and humans are not unicorns. They are also not static beings. Their hearts and minds change. I have had the experience of dating men whose intentions I determined to be good and true — kind men, who suddenly or gradually showed themselves to be a person I no longer believed to have acceptable intentions; harmful due to mental illness, alcoholism, or shifting values. These shifts aren’t planned or intentional, but they happen. Humans feel weak, their mental health changes, they mature, they feel spiritually or financially lost—they find new ways. New ways find them. Maybe new ways found you.
So many of us have cried or screamed, declaring ‘you changed!’ or ‘you said you wouldn’t do this!’ Perhaps you pleaded ‘how could you do this?’ or told a friend ‘I never saw this coming. This isn’t the person I knew.’ There we are, in pieces, over a line someone gave us when they desperately wanted more than anything to make the relationship official. It hurts to feel your trust has been betrayed. But it’s at least a little funny we thought we could maintain lasting management over another’s intentions. It’s hard. Near impossible.
To declare that we will only have romantic relationships with people whose intentions are determinable, and who we can be sure will never hurt us, would be to say we will only date totally imaginary people. The fantasy-version, unicorns of people. Truly, the only way to avoid anyone who might not fit that bill, is to not allow anyone into our lives, at all.
By the same measure, if the GOP’s latest rhetoric indicates rejection of immigrants or refugees ‘whose intentions cannot be determined’ — which, by all means, we already try to do, it seems the GOP too, are only willing to accept unicorn-refugees. Or nobody. Both of which, are hilariously unrealistic for America.
Personally, I hope people who come into my life will prove to be magical unicorns. But, I know the odds are against me, there. I accept that, and try to be cautious, aware, and maintain reasonable boundaries and expectations. I send people away who break the rules, try to learn from what happened, and adjust my boundaries, accordingly.
Humans are ever-changing works-in-progress. Luckily, many of these changes are for the better. Humans are not perfect, and they can, and will be harmful. I will date someone who will end up hurting me. America will accept a refugee whose intentions were ultimately not determinable — even the refugee, themselves, will not have been able to see the harm that they would eventually cause. But, we are open. I am, and America is. We are cautious. We make, and will continue to make and adjust our boundaries. We are ready, and ready to be loved by someone new. Someone who says they intend to love us. Someone, who might be great.
If I meet a unicorn, cool. But I have not met even one, yet. I don’t think Governor Nikki Haley, has, either. I have met many wonderful people, whose families came to America, from all over the globe. I do not believe Governor Haley’s parents are unicorns, but I suspect she’d say, they deserved a chance in America, even though it was impossible to determine just what they would do. America just had to do its best with the information it had, and hope her parents would do their best as well.
Refugees are human. We are human too. We are all flawed, and fluid. We can learn, and we can try. We just can’t possibly know everything; acting like we do, is laughable.