Schlonged & Shamed

When the Party is BYOP, and You Show Up Empty-Panted

I wonder what it’s like to have a penis. I wonder what it’s like to be trying to get a job and thinking that having a penis automatically makes you more deserving than people who do not have one. I wonder what it’s like when your opponent has intelligence, knowledge and qualifications that make them a better candidate, but they do not have a penis, and you know you will be supported when you suggest their penislessness is a deficiency.

Hillary Clinton doesn’t know what it’s like to have a penis, but she does know what it’s like for candidates in the GOP, and her own party to constantly remind everyone that she doesn’t have one. Secretary Clinton also knows what it’s like to put in real work to get to where she is in her career—including getting a good look at how the sausage is made in the White House as First Lady, serving as a Senator, and serving as Secretary of State — all while not even having a penis.

I’m not sure how someone gets this far in life, or their career, having to wait in ladies bathroom lines, and unlatch their belt and totally unfasten and pull down pants and underwear, every. damn. time. they have to pee, but I assure you — it wasn’t easy. It wasn’t easy, because, as a powerful and driven woman in a field like politics, you spend your whole life not only having competition for jobs, but proving that even without a penis you’re still a viable candidate.

Of course, it doesn’t stop there. Once you get the job, you must continually carve a place for yourself in rooms filled with men, and force space into the rules for someone who is not a man. Then, you have to make sure, when you leave the room or take a little longer to use the restroom, that they don’t close up the space you’ve worked so hard to make for yourself.

You may spend most of your life, defending that space, while building legitimate qualifications for leading America in domestic and foreign affairs — but after all that, you’re still a woman. And, as a woman, the most discussed moment of your debate performance, may be that it took you the longest to use the restroom. You will find, there is no level at which you will not have to fight to be taken seriously.

Your wealth of experience may deserve the respect of your democratic opponents, but you will find they’ll go on with the debate while you’re in the restroom. No one will speak for you. These guys want to be president, and all presidents so far, have had a penis. Not the campaign message, but it could be subliminally helpful. History isn’t their fault. Let’s keep this thing going, right?

You may be FAR more qualified for the position of president than a candidate in the Republican party, a man who has dealt with past challenges from a women by suggesting she had ‘blood coming out of her wherever,’ but he will call your female bathroom break ‘disgusting’ and add that you got ‘schlonged’ when you weren’t nominated in 2008.

Donald Trump pointing out that Hillary Clinton has been dicked (penised/schlonged) over (literally!), while actively displaying the kind of pervasive sexism that is serving to do that, was certainly illustrative if utterly inappropriate.

Hillary didn’t get ‘schlonged’ in 2008 — the schlonging is perpetual. Not just for her, but for the entire female gender. We get schlonged left and right, when it comes to equal pay, equal opportunities, reproductive rights and paid family leave. And ladies, when a qualified woman running for president is being schlonged, so are you. We are still not doing well enough, with that whole campaign.

If you care about gender equality, this should be a problem for you. Opponents and their supporters (especially media), in both parties, grab at opportunities to marginalize this person who has shown true bravery; not only in daring to run for president as a woman, more than once, but in standing there proudly, and attempting to smile, while the boys laugh and point at the place where a penis should be. You can stand up for Hillary, and still vote for another candidate. She deserves credit and respect, from you who believe in gender equality.

And fortunately, today, now that Trump has pushed the bathroom talk to the limit, Senator Sanders spoke out for her. I’ve been hoping he would(since she returned from the restroom!)— because it’s how Bernie’s supporters will see this is not a place to be divided. Bernie has good values, but is seemingly followed in the same WE WILL WAIT AND DO WHAT YOU SAY WHEN YOU SAY IT, blind way, that Trump is being followed. He is thankfully, not a bigoted maniac. He does not think blatant misogyny is cool. He’s right.

It also REALLY SUCKS that it will have taken a man saying this is not cool for many people to realize that it isn’t. Sanders doing what is simply decent, and obvious, will be seen as heroic. Unfortunately, that’s only as much progress as we’ve made. So, I do thank you, Bernie — not on Hillary’s behalf, but for the rest of us ladies who don’t know how to tell men that we go to the bathroom. I suspect Trump’s wives have had to pretend they are fixing their makeup each time they leave the room.

While disappointing for the state of gender equality, the fact that a moment, which boils down to Secretary Clinton peeing out of a different kind of peeing-hole system than the boys, has become news at all, is actually a sign that she’s doing well with her campaign. She’s a threat to everyone who might oppose her, and her case for why she should be president is so strong, that the boys are desperate, and resorting to pointing at her lack of penis to show why she is out of place. It’s just so embarrassing.

Results from Quinnipiac University Poll, released Dec. 22, 2015.

Female candidates might not have to endure this humiliation, one day. But, at this moment, men are so far from truly understanding our reproductive differences, they can’t even comprehend anything that happens in the same general (genital) vicinity. That doesn’t mean they can’t be taught — conditioned, or forced to understand women and the issues we face. Just by exposing people to something new, greater understanding and acceptance is possible. It’s simply time for a female to sit on the throne (wink) & get men used to the idea that we do things a little differently, and in some cases, better.

Before Obama became president, some Americans had doubts about what a black man could do or be. Now, they know a black man is capable of being leader of the United States. Of anything! Ben Carson, a black man and A REPUBLICAN was leading in the polls, until he revealed himself as too cuckoo for even the conservatives. America can learn gender doesn’t determine your capabilities, either. A woman can, and will, be a powerful and successful leader, and many more people will believe it, once they see it.

Or hey — maybe an old white man will get a chance to be president, even though it’s pretty disgusting that he sometimes stands around peeing in an open room with other men. I just don’t think that has anything to do with his presidential qualifications, and I would never mention it in speaking about the success of his debate performance. I doubt anyone would.

On the other hand, days later, people are still talking about Hillary’s bathroom break. And all I wonder is how she’ll be publicly shamed for not having a penis, next? I’ll bet, it’ll be in a way that’s just as relevant to a presidential election as peeing.

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