What The F Is This “Locker Room” Trump is Talking About?

Hint: It Is Not An Actual Locker Room

It’s been nice to see regular men, and male athletes — who are, by profession, often in a locker room — speak up to clarify that the talk Trump is labeling as “locker room talk” is not something they ever literally hear in locker rooms. Not that we hadn’t figured that out on our own.

One clue was that Trump is never in a locker room. He hasn’t been in one for a looonnng time. Locker rooms are a great equalizer — where you have to show that pasty flab you’re hiding under that expensive suit — where you are just like everyone else. Trump does not put himself in these situations. Even Melania has an entirely different bathroom. He makes an effort to keep himself separated and above others; in control.

What Trump is actually saying, isn’t anything about an actual locker room — he is saying: “All men say this kind of stuff — all they need is to be separated from sensitive women & the PC police.” He is trying to say what he said and did is normal, and all men do it — which, is not surprising — everything he says and does is intended to bring praise to, enable or normalize his own specific desires or behavior.

Sure, men say stuff kinda like what Trump said. I have a lot of male friends — groups where I am accepted as ‘one of the guys’ — and they say some gross stuff in front of me. When I’ve heard men chat graphically about sexual encounters, they are trying to get a rise or laugh out of people — or making a sad attempt to show off. But they do not brag about ILLEGAL activity — about forcing themselves on unsuspecting victims.

In my experience (and yes I am going to speak about this from my expereience — there are many others, I know), if you talk too much trash around friends, someone will tell you “shut the hell up — no one believes women are letting you touch them” or if there was a question of seriousness, it might call for a time out for clarity, like — “uh you should NOT go up and grab women, dude. I hope you are kidding & not running around assaulting people.”

You probably know your friends, and if they are kidding, or if you need to have a word with them. Say that kind of stuff in an actual locker room — with guys you don’t know very well? You might get reported. They are not going to think you are wonderful and cheer you on.

People learn boundaries with their peers, and learn what kind of behavior is okay — even to talk about. You can’t speak and act upon every urge, without violating others — you learn to process urges and instincts if you want to play with others.

This extends to talk and treatment of others, beyond women—to people of other races, religions, of other sexual identities, physical appearance, mental capability. Our friends, peers, classmates, and coworkers help us learn what is acceptable, and remind us if we go over the line.

Trump, however, has no peers (certainly not in his mind — he is singular(I think so, too but for other reasons)) — and he has no real friends. Money has always played a part in this, but also — as a man who most assuredly suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder(at the very least, every single sign of it), he is not able to make that kind of genuine connection with other people.

Those who surround Trump, have simply been held hostage as an employee, someone seeking money, fame or power, someone who has been promised something, family(who isn’t safe from being those other hostage types), or as a problem or rival. These people are unlikely to disagree with him — they may say nothing or even encourage him, to stay in his favor — to get what they want.

I’m not sure what Billy Bush wanted, but imagine him — a young guy, trying to teach Trump about his behavior at that moment. Imagine him saying “you can’t say do that to women, Donald. That is assault!” I can’t. He could have done better FOR SURE(I don’t forgive his behavior), but Donald had made him a hostage in an uncomfortable situation — where he was saying things to him, he never should have been saying to someone he didn’t really know.

I think Billy is just kind of a cheeseball idiot — and obviously has bad judgement even if he is not an assaulter, himself. People with NPD can draw you in like that, and make you an enabler — but Billy seems really weak to begin with — ready to slobber all over Trump, for whatever reason, no matter what he said.

Forcing Billy to have that conversation was a power move in it of itself. Trump has probably always sprung that kind of talk on near-strangers, who didn’t know what to do, or say—so that no one ever told him “hey, that sounds like assault man.” He just went on thinking he was impressing everyone, and treating and talking about women in a ‘normal’ way. Not that Trump would have listened if Billy, or anyone else had told him he was wrong— ultimately, he trusts himself — he is his top advisor, and he will tell himself he is right.

If people disagree with Trump, he removes them. He is not up for constructive criticism (possibly from some of his family — but he sees them as a positive extension of himself, rather than separate people, so they have special rules). He has designed a situation where people are bullied, manipulated, or shocked into letting him do what he wants. He has, in fact, spent this entire election trying to make America into his metaphorical locker room.

MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN is actually a campaign to make Trump, specifically, feel comfortable being himself. Unfortunately, he is a wretched, moral-free person — not to say he can help most of it(I don’t believe, psychologically, he can) — and designing a country’s objectives around him, is just positively horrifying.

A person with NPD is unable or unwilling to consider the feelings of others, and this is behind his most awful locker room talk — a clear indication that he has objectified the humans he is speaking of; we aren’t people with feelings — we are rapists, terrorists, or something to grab when he feels like it. And, he believes that because he feels this way, and how he feels is the only thing he can understand, that most people feel this way — if they don’t, they are not being honest, or simply: wrong.

I don’t think it’s totally impossible for men to surround themselves with other men who agree with the horrible way they speak about other humans, and the horrible things they do to other humans — all in complete seriousness. They create an echo chamber — not a locker room.

Men like this must be more secretive — maybe even hide under white sheets. Because in reality, their views and actions are mostly NOT popular — and outside of these chambers — they will be fired, arrested, shunned and shamed for their revolting treatment of others. So you keep it close. Find those pockets. Or you keep everyone quiet as hostages, in the ways I described — making them fear they will lose something.

These people — they long for a time where Women and People of Color were property. They thought that was great, and they want to Make America Great Again. This pocket of darkness, is only a locker room, if hate and fear are a sport. These people have been fuming, because they’ve been benched by those of us who believe all citizens deserve equal rights — but Trump has been calling them all onto the field and blaming the coach — “if I was the coach — you alllll would be playing!”

No. There is no locker room for you. The sport you are trying to play is barbaric, and ignores all the progress we have made. You’re going to have to find something else to do. We are going forward, not backwards. You asked us, this week, if grabbing pussy without consent, talking about it and laughing it off as locker room talk was cool, and we were like “UM NO.”

No. You have to get consent to grab our bodies. And you have to get consent to grab our country. I don’t believe you have it — definitely not from me.

I know at times (like, all the time) it seems like Trump is dragging us down or back… but I can see a bright side to him flaunting his disordered behavior all over America. I know that sounds crazy, but does it? Compared to all you have been seeing? The positive is:

Many of these people have, as I said, kept their comments — their hate — behind closed doors. In private. They have never heard their opinions dragged out in the open for everyone to shoot down, in disgust, in horror — to call what they thought was cool, *SEXUAL ASSAULT*.

Trump has helped in not only showing us that there are a lot of people who don’t know what sexual assault is, but showing(starting to) a lot of them, what sexual assault is. They thought it was “messin’ around.”

We can’t solve problems by pretending they aren’t there (I was already pretending these people didn’t exist — many of us were. We were wrong. They do. They are citizens. And they can vote.). My hope is that we defeat Trump, and then continue to defeat the kind of hate he has made very apparent is alive and well (or very unwell).

I am not happy this hate exists, but it does; so I am glad to be having these conversations, out in the open, with all genders, races, ages, religions, about what to do — and what NOT to do. I am glad next time a guy grabs me, that I can call him Trump & kick his brain back into function, with memories of this national conversation (hey, me, right now, is enough — but remember when millions of people said they didn’t think this wasn’t okay, either?).

I think this may actually, weirdly, incite progress — because the comparison to Trump is so disgusting (oh shit, is he still running for president? HOW did you GOP let this happen? You are the actual worst.). But, it would be better, however, if you just took it upon yourself, not to treat any other human like an object. Try that.