A Good Day

He couldn’t see. The fog had built up on the boats deck, and even his feet sometimes would be lost in the grey. The wind had picked up, along with the salty mist of the ocean. He knew it wasn’t that bad. The captain looked stern and focused at the ledge where the big wheel was. He seemed to be aggressively trying to keep the wheel from turning. David thought this ironic since all he appeared to be doing was flaring his arms and jostling the wheel around and around. Suddenly a great big wave came crashing next to David, unbalancing him and suddenly he found himself on the ground. The entire ship was mostly constructed of wood, and the deck was no exception. “Get up David!” Carl called out to him, and David was surprised that he could hear him against the booming whirling winds and the shouts and screams coming from each direction. It had been a cool calm night. David, not even an hour ago had been playing cards down stairs with Joshua, Billy, Krieg and some of the other boys, betting on privileges to sleep in the hammocks. David had won five consecutive days, and until about 40 minutes. Ago. Maybe forty-five, had been having a pretty good day. Suddenly David felt Carl grab him by the arm and pull him up to his feet, and in doing so Carl lost his own balance and fell to the ground. David couldn’t see him because of the fog, which now grew (ROSE?) up toward David’s knees. The boat began rocking heavily and David felt his stomach turning. David contemplated running to the side of the ships deck. If a sailor threw up on the boat, not only would he have to clean the mess up himself, and be the joke of his crew, but he definitely wouldn’t be sleeping in a hammock for awhile, and David couldn’t handle his neck being any more stiff than it had grown to become. Carl emerged out of the dense fog and David clasped his arm and helped pull him to his feet. Carl looked scared. David hoped that his face didn’t resemble Carls. “Davy boy, this is a big one! Yessir this is a bad boy” David acknowledged this with a shrug, but couldn’t tell if Carl saw this. Carl then ran over to the captain, and they looked to be in a heated debate. At that very moment another wave came crashing on the boat; but on the bow side. David saw the water rush onto the deck, and sweep two bodies to the ground. David couldn’t be certain, but on the bow side there was no guardrails, so it looked like this was going to be a fatal night. He remembered Carls words, “ this is a bad boy ole Davy”. David threw up all over himself and the floor that was unseen; he swayed back and fourth and felt the stinging bit of salt and wind against his face. His eyes were stinging and his vision was blurry. He couldn’t remember how this started, but thought about how he himself felt worried when the dark clouds started to come into sight. He hated dark clouds now. He hated the ocean. He had thought he loved it. He loved it because of the danger, because of the randomness, and now the reason he had loved it was the reason he now came to the conclusion that once he got back to shore he would never sail again. He thought of his mother. David thought that they must be close to port, even though, as David knew, this storm would prevent them from docking. They’d have to wait it out, wait it out and then sail tomorrow and probably be at the dock the day after. Water rushed up the deck from below and David ran over to the door that held the staircase leading down to the bottom floors. He opened the door and saw only two stairs, the rest of them engulfed in water. They were all dead. They must be. He could see only a handful of people on the deck, and reasoned that there might be a few more that he couldn’t see because of the wind and mess and fog and storm and whatever else this could be called. David stood there grasping the door making sure to not loose his balance again and fall to the floor. He couldn’t fall because this time, there might be no Carl to help him back up. He’d find himself joining the bow side sailors. Well, no use for cots and sleeping now. All a waste. David knew that this boat needed more than a handful of people to sail, and even more importantly to dock somewhere. His friends were dead. He knew it.. The whole ship was sinking, and for some reason or another none of the people downstairs made it up in time. The boat no longer swayed, but began to tip and suddenly the ship nose-dived forward hurling David in the process. Fortunately he was still keeping hold of the doorframe due to the carvings that made for a suitable grasp. He could no longer see the steering wheel because it was hidden beneath the rising water. He knew now that he was all alone.

The first time he had heard his name called by anything but David, except by his brother, was when Captain Hark first met him.

David had never met his own father, and his only sense of family came from his brother Joshua and his mother. They had lived by the seaport, and as such David and Joshua were consistently being influenced by the manners of life of the estranged sailors and misfits who settled and stayed and ported in their town. To be a sailor in Whichgrawn North Carolina was to be part of the crowd, and it was certainly not the place for the faint of heart, and for children. Well, children who didn’t have the regions distinction deeply embedded in their blood. The funny thing was David and his families were outsiders. Martha- David’s mom; moved to Whichgrawn out of what seemed like mere impulse to the young ten year old David who had been born and raised in the deep Virginia farm lands where green pastures and mountains rolled over the ground, and the smell of manure and blossoming flowers was as accustom as the smell of seagulls and salt in Whichgrawn port. David and Joshua never met there father, well David hadn’t, Joshua was three when their father, and Martha’s husband had died. David learned from a very young age to never bring up that fact. For it only took a few times getting punched in the face from Joshua after David would mistakenly bring up the question of “what did he look like?” “What was he like” and “how did he die” for him to learn to never beg the question again.

When David was eight years old he remembered playing out on the farm with Joshua, running in and out of the cornfields hiding and chasing and sitting and wrestling and having an fun day. He remembered seeing the sun set beneath the hills as the brothers sat down watching the day turn to night. David looked eagerly up at Joshua, and either out of impatience or trepidation bore a wide smile on his face. He then announced, “I wish I new what dad was like” David remembered seeing his brother’s face grow stern. But boys are boys, a and it takes a few beating and a few bad experiences to learn how to read others emotions, and to know when to speak, and what to speak about. In a way that day was the day David lost his innocence, and gained the fruitful knowledge of ones place. Joshua grunted, and David immediately felt a surging energy to find a way to make his brother happy, happy like they were only a few minutes before.

“It would have been swell, I..”

“Shut up David.” Joshua’s voice was flat.

David, whose young mind hadn’t learned how to handle emotion, began to become confused and distressed.

“Josh, I don’t want to be a bastard”

And that’s all it took.

Joshua looked over at his younger brother who was sad and anxious in the face, and hurled a closed fist right at David jaw. That was the second to last time he ever brought up his dad in Joshua’s presence.

Later that night, while the boys and Martha were sitting around the wooden table in the den of their farmhouse, David couldn’t look at Joshua. He could barely eat, not because of his swollen mouth but because of his disposition. Joshua, while blankly eating his food and looking at his trembling brother who uncontrollably tried to control a cry fit, realized that his brother was sensitive.

That night, David was tucked into bed by his mother. She smiled down at him with a beautiful, kind face. David looked up into his mothers beautiful brown eyes, and wavy hair and thought about how on earth she could not have a beautiful and strong husband to match. On top of that he wondered more provokingly in how he himself could not have an amazing father to match and suit the amazing mother standing right above him.

“Goodnight my sweet”

Martha kissed him on the forehead, and rumbled his hair, and then pulled the wool sheets just under his chin, so it wouldn’t itch badly; She always new just how to tuck him in. When she walked out the door David was awake but comfortable. He didn’t tell his mom about Joshua slugging him, but then again he didn’t need to; it was all right there on his face. When he and Joshua came in from the fields; David could see his mom look into his face and look immediately at Joshua in disgust. David went and took a bath, and through the bathroom he could hear his mother shouting at Joshua. David for a brief minute was glad that Joshua was getting retribution for what he had done, but almost immediately began to cry knowing that Joshua hated him now. Hated him for saying bastard, and hating him for getting mom to hate him. David felt the salty sting of tears running down his bruised and cut face. The door to his room opened and it was Joshua who came in now. He came over to the bed, and David pretended to be asleep. David felt a hand tap gently at his right shoulder. David felt Joshua do this once, twice, and then a third time.

“Davy, I know you’re awake”

This was the first time he remembered ever being called anything but David.

“Davy, you can keep your eyes shut but listen” Joshua’s voice was smooth and soft, and David couldn’t help think that he would want this same voice and presence in his dad. “ Davy, I’m sorry about earlier, it s just some things should just be left unsaid. I love you David. Tomorrow how about I take you into town.”

David fought himself to keep a ostensibly seeming soft sleeping face. Joshua spoke again- “we’ll take the pony and you can steer and Ill sit right behind you, and will go up to town and stay awhile” David couldn’t help it, and his faced burrowed, and a smiled creeped up. He could hear Joshua chuckling, seeing the folly that was David’s façade. “Alright Davy, get a good sleep,” and that was it, David never opened his eyes, but when he heard the door shut, David felt not only the warmth of his beautiful mom in his woolen blanket, but the added layer of his brother and idol. All was well.

The day was a windy and sunny summer morning when they were all packing, and about to depart to where their mother called “new home” It was a frightfully fast action, and David and Joshua had only been told by their mother that they were moving a week before. Joshua was popular among the kids around the farms and as such, he wasn’t the least happy about moving. For David though it excited him tremendously. He had no idea of where they were going, all he new was they were going to North Carolina, and that it would be as mom had said, “miles different” from the life they lived here. He wasn’t one hundred percent sure, but as Joshua had told him, it would be by the sea and that they wouldn’t have any land, and that they wouldn’t have any ponies and that it wasn’t gunna be anything like living on a farm. Joshua had stated this with a very somber and defeated tone, but to David it had excited him terribly. He wanted change, and he didn’t know why.

Their mother looked charming and beautiful as she and Joshua hauled luggage into the carriage. She had a white bonnet around her head that concealed the glowing and bountiful head of hair that grew from her dark skin. David helped luggage some of the smaller stuff, but the majority of the bulk of luggage that they were loading was done by Joshua and his mother. David looked at them both. He noticed again, how they looked very similar. They both had dark tanned skin and brown solid hair. His moms face looked strong but magnificently beautiful,, with her big brown eyes that shinned bright and boldly off of the suns reflection. Joshua’s face was strong as well, but in a handsome way. They both couldn’t be mistaken as not family. David thought about his own appearance, with his blond hair and blue eyes, and for a second felt alone and jealous to not share his family’s remarkable resemblance. His skin, while tan, wasn’t near as dark as the both of them were. He was ready for an adventure, and even though he would very well not see anyone from this area ever again; he saw much more opportunity in the voyage to “new home” then a loss. Martha steered the horses as they left their farm, and Joshua sat next to her on the front seat. David was in the back of the carriage sitting on luggage. He was camped inside the white cloth that covered the whole back carriage and immediately opened up a small part of the back to where he could peak his head out to see what they were leaving behind. The sun was right up in front of him, and the rolling hills never looked so magnificent

The place they lived in was obscure. It was a thin strip of a building that had three levels, each of which were very thin and windy. The staircase that connected the three levels were composed of individual stairs connected to two metal fixtures that coiled and winded up the house like a modern DNA model. It was as thin and as unbalanced as the house itself. The first floor was cluttered with rags and dishes, and was both a kitchen and a living space wrapped into one. The second floor was the most lavish. It was a single room with a bath and sink, and it was the biggest level in accordance to space. David, either because he was too young when they moved in, or else just not very judgmental; didn’t see the distortion that his brother Joshua referred openly too as “ the queens palace”. David and Joshua shared the attic as their bedroom, which housed a decent size bed and a cot. When they first arrived and for several years the bed was Joshua’s. The cot was David’s. Neither of them were allowed on the second floor, except for the inevitability of using its level to get down the coiled staircase from the first floor to the third.

David didn’t understand until he was around fourteen, why his mother and Joshua began to grow apart. When Joshua started to work out on the docks, learning the labors that come with ships and maintenance, and other land bearing tasks that come with maritime, he rejected it. “Damn her”..- He began to stop calling her mom around that time.

It was weird, David thought, while he and Joshua were getting into bed, how these old memories crept into him. It had been a long time since he had done what the pastor down on Eves road would call “self refection.” David began laughing; he pictured Father Earl and his natural propensity to flail and waved his arms as the cadence in his voice would rise, and fall, and rise again, like a well tuned instrument as he would preach. Ignorance, as he would quail- ignorance is the path to the shadow of darkness- it is the resolution into the pit of decayance, and that my young friends is the heart of evil. To be self aware, one must be self-reflectant, and that is the true path to heaven on earth. David began to laugh uncontrollably under the covers next to Joshua on their third floor.

“ Damn it David! You keep me up another minute longer and I’m gunna wail on you.”

Joshua turned over onto his side away from David, pulling the covers with him. Joshua groaned a tired sound.

“Sorry brother, I was just thinking.” His voice sounded sincere, but a smile still layed on his face. He loved father Earl, and believed what he preached, but his propensities was something to still be laughed at.

“Ya, well think about us getting up and about in four hours… aint that funny then.” Joshua was bad at fake being mad.

“ Well, at least you like working on the port.”

Joshua didn’t say anything at first, but David could feel and hear him shuffling and moving around in bed, and then felt the weight of a body sit up. Suddenly a candle was lit, and the small room could be seen within the small dim light.

“Hang in there Davy. It’s a learned thing, ya kno? “ Joshua was sitting up and his face looked tired, but he spoke with a wide awake soft voice. Joshua’s voice was rough and coarse now adays, but it still sounded smooth as well. Like the comfort of consistency.

David sat up, he looked into his brothers face which relieved that they would have conversation, because even under the circumstances, he wasn’t the least bit tired.

“ all I know is we work with low people, doing hard labor, and hell- Ive never even been on a damn ship ride. The sea is great, its just, I never get to actually see it.”

“ well, that why I’ve decided David that I’m gunna be an adventurer” Joshua’s smile and eyes seemed to glow off of the light into David. David suddenly felt ill.

“What? When? Where? Your not leaving are you!”

“Settle down davy, the way I see it, just like you said, hell I’ve been working here way longer than you, seen uglier and nastier men then you have, and hell, I’ve hakd enough time with that witch downstairs to know its my time to have some life.”

“Joshua, I hate it when you speak of mom that way.”

“ya, well she hates you. And me.”

“Fuck off” David suddenly felt tired, and he blew out the lamp by Joshua, and layed down on the bed.

“Davy, oh Davy, You are all I’ve got. I love you more than a brother; you’re my best friend as well. Look, There’s a captain who came into town last week looking for heads on a ship of his called the Topica. He told me he’d give me wages in advance, and that doesn’t count for the money and fortune to be had by us as we sail across the sea.”

David was pissed off, but as he layed there he heard the excitement in his brother’s voice. The excitement, of leaving him. A tear had shed out of David’s eye, he couldn’t believe this was happening.

“ Look, I’m a man, and so are you. I’ve spent twenty years of my life wasting away , and the past nine of them have been here. We build, and clean, and rope, and stew, allowing others the privileges of going out to sea. I need my taste, and next week is when we are leaving.”

David felt a stinging surge pounce throughout his entire body. His heart began to race. He knew that Joshua wasn’t one to blow smoke.

David sat up and blindly looked for a candle, he knocked something onto the floor, which shattered, by the time David finished cursing, the light from Joshua’s candle was back on, and they both were sitting up in bed again.

“ Look davy, there’s no way in hell that I can leave you here, and you’re my best friend which means your gunna have to come along.”

“So you want us to just go, leaving mom.”

“Moms left us Davy, she left us along time ago, she left us when we left Virginia. Hell, she sent me to work and left you to do all the cleaning and cooking, until you were old enough to be sent in with the hogs to do the dirty work we have been rummaging in for our entire lives here. Hell David, when was the last time you even talked to her.”

“God dammit, she’s ill Joshua!”

“She a whore Davy. She goes out with all the sailors, she makes us pay all the bills; she spends her days in the comforts of her room that we are forbidden to even glance in. We are her slaves Davy, I don’t know when, and I don’t know how, but she got messed up. She isn’t our mom Davy, she got taken from us a long, long time ago.”

David felt his chest tighten, and his ribs ache. His heart raced, and sweat began to cover his face. Joshua must have seen something, for he brought a hand upon David’s shoulder.

David sat still, and again Father Earl came popping into his head. David’s world was being cut into half. His brother was leaving and planning on taking him along. His mother or his brother- that’s what was in front of him now. He knew which he had to choose and hated to have to make the decision. Was this Self-refection? He immediately wanted to ask the flamboyant Father where the devil stood in accordance to this present moment.

“Josh.” His voice was quivering, and he tasted the salty liquid of fresh tears. “Jo.. Josh. Joshua.. I don’t want to just leave her like that.. I.. I.. Want to at least say goodbye”

Joshua’s face turned dark and sad. David had never seen his brother look so emotional, almost as if he wasn’t as strong. “ David” Joshua began. “ She did this to us” “not you” “If she wasn’t twisted, and if she was sane, we could easily say goodbye, but you know that isn’t the case. “

David’s eyes suddenly sprung to Joshua’s neck, where a small scar that layed by his shoulder marked the last time Joshua tried to say goodbye.

“Goodnight Joshua” David turned into the bed again, and exhaustion filled his entire being. David, with his eyes closed, felt a hand fall on his open shoulder. “Goodnight Davy. I love you.” A second past, “ we’ve got to stick together Davy, you’re my family. Together we are never alone.”

That night David had the worst nightmare. He was fourteen again, and it was a memory, a dreadful memory being replayed in his head. He couldn’t stop it. Their mother, her hair white and wretchedly mashed against her face. Her once beautiful complexion lost behind insane eyes. David was cooking dinner, it was fish and stew. David had caught the fish with his pal Leon the day before down by the peer where the sailors would gamble and play cards. Joshua entered the house and went up to mom who was cutting up bread behind David. Joshua said how he had gotten a letter to go and apprentice with Doctor John who lived in the town over. There was so much hope and joy in his voice. Joshua’s smooth and silky tone lifted as he exclaimed how he would start next week, and would be given housing and meals by the docks family. It was the same doctor whom stitched Joshua up after their mom shrieked, and lifted the knife cutting Joshua on the side of the throat in a single motion. Blood splattered everywhere, and David, whose back was turned, saw drips of blood fly over his head and land into the stew he was stirring. Mom howled and shrieked saying that Joshua was sin, how only sin would leave his mothers side. She then grew weak and left the house returning in minutes with help. She pitifully exclaimed to the men that her son had an accident, and needed to be rushed to the doctor.

David woke up screaming,. He was going to be a sailor.