Let’s Make America Grate Again

As I write this there are still 55 days before the 2016 Presidential election. I just want to be able to watch TV in peace. Full disclosure, we have mastered the art of fast forwarding through commercials, but just the flash of the candidates faces has become annoying. So I have decided to provide the American people with an alternative, and am joining the race.

I don’t have a platform, rather one simple proposal: An amendment to the Constitution to limit campaigns. Not what they can spend, but when they can spend it. This is my first draft:

Campaign spending on elections for president shall be limited to the 30 days prior to the election. Campaign spending on elections for the US Senate and House of Representatives shall be limited to the 20 days prior to the election. Violations of this amendment shall be punished by death, no exceptions, no trials.

So what do you think? Does it grab you? It should, you already thought of it. If you are one of the 7% or so undecided , just choose one and move on. This bombardment of commercials is really your fault. If no one says they are undecided, there will be no one to try and influence and no reason to campaign for nearly two years and we get to avoid the annoying TV and radio ads, those awful Facebook posts from “friends”, and the ridiculous lies and distortions that make the whole damn thing so insulting and demeaning. Politicians have proven they are simply incapable of normal, civil behavior. Honesty is beyond them, they are incapable of it. I’ve already lived through 11 presidents, and seen crazy administrations and semi-crazy ones and can tell you this is not the most important presidential election ever. It may be the most important presidential election of this year, but only crazy people, politicians or their henchmen (or henchwomen) would suggest it is the most important ever. Presidents come and presidents go, you can’t do anything about them once they’re in office. That’s the job of Congress. So there is no real pressure on you. Just make up your mind. Flip a coin if you have to, or if you don’t have a coin, flip something else. Just be careful not to flip it at someone tougher than you.

So if you haven’t yet decided on a candidate, make up your mind ASAP, then avoid all news sources until after the election, because the campaigns are just getting started. Lies are going to be flying hot and heavy the closer the election gets so the candidates cannot respond. Think Swiftboating. What bullshit! Best for all of us if you just choose and move on.

Oh, and if you hate them all, just write in my name. And if elected I promise prosperity is just around the corner. The economy will grow 6% or 7% a year, peace will reign, hunger will end, and everyone that gets in line behind me, will be the next to get rich.