Why I Think I Should Marry a Rich Man
Emma Lindsay

On top of the fact that I won’t earn as much as my male peers

If you make the same personal choices about work as your male peers, including your choice of occupation, hours worked/week and staying in the workforce to accumulate experience, then you’ll make at least 99.2% of what your male peers earn.

On top of the fact that I won’t earn as much as my male peers, will not be promoted as much as my male peers, will not be taken as seriously as my male peers

False, false and false. At least in terms of those things being due to your gender, anyway. Your attitude is another matter entirely.

and will generally be found to be more grating than my male peers, careers also happen to be brainwashing tools of the capitalist patriarchy.

Yes, I see the problem. Spouting feminist bullshit at work is definitely going to prevent you being taken seriously and is certainly a behaviour that people consider “grating”.

Most people have useless jobs, doing useless things for the machine.

Again: clearly it’s your attitude that’s the obstacle to earning a decent income, not your gender.

the people with the most useful jobs (you know, teachers/nurses/etc.) get paid less because it’s presumed that an additional benefit they accrue from their work is “meaning.”

No, the job market assigns value to different jobs by operating as all markets do, based on supply and demand. Lots of women gravitate to those jobs because the training & skill requirements are lower, the workload is easier, they particularly like that type of work or some combination of all three. Employers have a surplus of suitable employees to choose from, and as a result wages are lower.

then when you get home at night you’re too tired to think of anything dangerous. You know, like plans for how to overthrow the capitalist patriarchy.

The rest of us call this, “Keeping the lazy and the loony out of trouble”. If you want to rail against a wacky, imaginary conspiracy theory invented by your inability to understand basic facts and stats, then why not become an antivaxxer instead?

However, I only have so much savings and when that runs through, I’m going to need a backup plan. Hence: plan marry rich man.

Your problem is that most rich men, at least the ones that earned their fortunes rather than inheriting them, are much too smart to marry a lazy gold digger. So you’re S.O.L.

In fact, I have to basically work twice as hard as my male colleagues to be disrespected twice as much for 3/4 the pay.

Nope. You have to work equally as hard as your male colleagues to make at least 99.2% of what they earn. It just feels like oppressively hard work to you because you’re not used to hard work. You’re lazy and that’s why you’re whining so loud about a normal workload for a man.

I’m not hot enough, have no interest in becoming hot enough, and I’m kind of a bitch/troll.

Wow! Unattractive, entitled, lazy and snarky — you sound like a real catch!

I blame the lack of housewives. The people who were responsible for nurturing and caring, the people who were responsible for maintaining social connections, have been sent into the coal mines because we didn’t value them.

You have feminism to thank for that.

In this one, I’m saying if you’re going to be reliant on your husband anyway, you may as well go all in. Don’t get a job for the man because you need to feel “respected” — work on some radical shit if you have the time and space to do so.

Sure, but if your husband gets tired of financially supporting your lazy feminist ass, he might well decide to dump you in favour of an egalitarian woman who wants to be his partner rather than his parasite. And we’ll all cheer him on if he does.