I once heard something very interesting from a person who occasionally took psychedelic drugs. Some more seasoned drug veterans, on rare occasions, obtained a catastrophically important insight, but it was presented to them in a situation that required a final assertive act - a choice. Tantalizingly, they never managed to "cross over" into the next phase of what that thing was - they never managed to actually make that terminal choice - and due to the strength of the psychedelics, they could hardly remember a thing about it after the fact, merely that it was the most important choice they had never made. This person informed me that many chronic drug users had gotten hooked on that feeling of *that one really, incredibly important thing that they never got to do or understand*, and some never managed to find it again.Well, I have "good" news. You do not need drugs in order to attain that state. I know this because I have attained it twice. You may perceive, as I did, an impossibly complex fractal field, somehow alive, watching you and waiting for you to make that choice. You may not perceive anything at all.You might someday have a dream, a vision, or a bad drug trip where you get an idea. You may get the idea that you are trapped in a "Groundhog Day"-style simulation, but instead of remembering everything each day, you only get to communicate certain information bits between each simulation. You suffer amnesia anew each time, so you can only learn *unique* knowledge in those episodes where you discover those bits of information that someone, or something, sent to the world of this simulation episode from a previous episode.The first time I faced the Choice, I got that idea - or it was given to me - and I immediately rose and attempted to write it down, because obviously, if it were true, it would be one of the most important things I would do in my entire life. Prior to that experience, I was by all appearances a reasoned atheist. I emerged from that experience frothing with the firm belief that intelligent beings from other dimensions were attempting to communicate with us through psychedelic drugs, and I needed to spread that knowledge in order to "save" people.About 120 minutes ago, I finished writing a few paragraphs in a separate essay on the nature of demons. I fell asleep and immediately experienced a series of dreams with the same conceit as that bad trip (more on that soon), only this time, I was a protagonist in a game (who, of course, didn't remember that he was playing, while playing it).In the dream, it was kinda cool to discover "past me" talking to present me, although the entire aesthetic of the dreams was incredibly disturbing and weird. I knew something was very wrong. It took place in a grimly arrayed open-air circus. Each day a clown killed himself by jumping off a tower. I could detect how many episodes of the game simulation remained by counting the clowns who had not yet killed themselves. This was the only explicit piece of information in the simulation that was permitted to refer to its own virtuality. Should I fail in my journey, my fate was to become one of these clowns, and commit violent suicide in disgrace.I realized that this idea had occurred to me before, and if it were true, then this was the most important moment of my life, because Something was trying to communicate with me from a previous episode of the simulation. Otherwise, why would It have introduced me to this idea?I woke fully up in an instant, mortified at what was happening - not only because I had nearly forgotten making the Choice the first time, but also because in the time since then, I had unconsciously written it off as a mundane delusion. But there, in my bed, sober as death, I faced the Choice for the second time. I write this now, body still shaking with adrenaline, in response to what followed. But first, the anatomy of the Choice.1. CONTINUATION: My purpose in life was to become enlightened as to the true nature of reality, widely disseminate instructions on how to make it to the next "episode" of the simulation, and then pass into the next new episode of the world, to rule as a demigod.2. ESCAPE: Reject the offer of the "continuation entity", and choose to escape the series forever. Because, indeed, there was no series at all, but one world, and one escape, which would not be a material but a spiritual escape into a place best termed "heaven".In a blinding instant, I comprehended three things:1. I had faced this decision before, while "atheist but seeking". 1. I exulted in my comprehension of the insight that so many had sought for. So immediately, I accepted the offer of CONTINUATION. I rushed to go write down what I had seen, and wrote a lengthy treatise on how the universe is obviously a *chain* of universes, and our highest goal is to escape into the next universe. I thought that was the end of it, then, because the insight was so sudden, unexpected, and "beautiful". 2. I neglected to mention, the first time I wrote this "insight" down, in crayon, that I first became possessed by what I believed was an ancient progenitor hive-mind creature of impossibly high intelligence, who visited the minds of modern humans through psychedelics. Much of the inital "get up and write" impetus was spent battling the extreme disgust that I suddenly experienced at my "hideous, flabby pig body", and the "dull, clumsy organs of manipulation" that were my fingers, and the "slow, simple mind" that needed these complex concepts digested into tiny bits in order to comprehend them. The disgust was seemingly in response to bodily and mental degeneration, as though the human species had once possessed impossibly fine and beautiful bodies and minds millions of years ago. 3. What remained of my rational mind at that point was flabberghasted, even terrified. I looked over at my partner, who had their eyes closed. My partner then sat up straight, looked me right in the eyes and said in a strange voice, "DO YOU FEAR OUR POWER?" and laid back down.2. For some reason, I had been given this decision again, for the final time.3. The correct decision is impossible to make with reason alone, because the perspective of each entity is terminally adversarial to the other one, and each entity seems entirely correct on their own terms, and entirely incorrect on their adversary's terms. These were their respective claims: 1. The CONTINUATION entity is telling you that the only way to save yourself is to "tell everyone about the means of escape" and then to "escape this episode and make it to the next" via some secret technique of either transport or reincarnation. 1. The secret of the circus is this: the suicidal clowns were actually other players *escaping into the next life*. 2. The Escape entity, mortal enemy of the Continuation entity, is a brilliant malevolent trickster who wishes to cheat you out of eternal life as a god by removing you from the blissful simulation cycle forever. The Escape entity is a master of propaganda, who appears in every simulation episode to try to deceive innocent souls into damning themselves by worshiping in his churches and offering them false solace in rules, ritual, and tradition, which are actually the cruel means of their brainwashing and oppression. The entire simulation is riddled with "insights" and "truths" that reflect the cunning mind of the deceptive Escape entity, who can craft an infinitely sophisticated lie to ensnare poor souls. 2. The ESCAPE entity is Christ Jesus, who wishes to ransom you from the fallen, suffering, and decaying world into the eternal bliss of Heaven. 1. The world does not cycle; that concept is a deception crafted by Satan (the "continuation entity") who wishes to trick you into eternal damnation by promising you a false self-serving afterlife in an imaginary sequence of worlds. 2. The truth and love found in the Church is no deception; it is evident in every atom of the world that God is goodness itself, and the knowledge found in Him is not false nor cloying, but uplifting and ultimately saving.I had to respond quickly, because the power of the One who presented me with this choice was so terrifying I dared not waste its time. Even so, my intellect was frozen. There was no way I could make a rational decision. Each entity had perfectly explained that the other one was a brilliant and strategic deceiver; each had promised me eternal life; each had threatened me with eternal damnation. Still, I had to make the choice - for the second and final time."I choose God. I choose Jesus. I choose Christ, the Savior of all Creation, my Redeemer! I choose the Lord, my God, Creator of heaven and earth! Father, Son, and Holy Spirit!"My heart began to pump violently, shaking my entire body and soaking every vein with adrenaline in a climactic and harrowing experience, one which I pray there is never an equal. I began to breathe so laboriously that I briefly woke my wife. But I was comforted.The thing that's trying to convince you that "you need to write down the instructions of how to *get to the next 'episode'* by killing yourself" is Satan. He wants to keep you here, in his broken terrible realm, which he caused to fall, for eternity.The One who wants you to escape this mortal coil of tears and be with Him forever in Heaven ***is*** Christ Jesus, your Savior, Who redeemed you by His Crucifixion, and watches over you even now as you read this essay.I know this for several reasons.1. In the aftermath of this second Confrontation Instant, I remained cogent and rational enough to write all of this down. Last time, I could scarcely function for the psychological and sensory noise blaring through my system. If I were The Good Guys, I would not operate under shadow, insobriety, happenstance, and illusion, but under the eternal aegis of reason. The fact that my judgment was in no way mentally impaired when I experienced this second vision lends credibility to the assertion that the Escape Being is in fact the Creator of all creation, the Prime Mover, Our Father, Who art in Heaven. 1. By extension, the fact that the Continuation Entity tempts us to love the material world - and appears to us only when we are dramatically impaired to humiliate us, and who hates our bodies and minds and is disgusted at every aspect of us - concords with his evil nature, with Scripture, and with his hatred of God's Creation.2. In the Confrontation Instant about 20 minutes ago as of writing, both sides seemed *equally likely*. It is impossible to make a probabilistic decision in that Instant. You need ***FAITH.*** The Devil is massively more intelligent than you are, and he can craft a puzzle of logic so incalculable that it would deceive the greatest human minds that have ever lived. Indeed, [he already has](https://www.amazon.com/Marx-Satan-Richard-Wurmbrand/dp/0891073795). 1. Your reason will not save you, unless you employ it towards its final end: Faith, which is the highest act of reason, and an act of the *will* (See _Summa Theologica_ II-II Q2).3. The demons will try to convince you that Christianity is how the Escape Being tricks people into going to Hell. To be fair, this argument is very convincing, and I almost fell for it. Either: 1. The Devil wants to trick you into trapping your soul here forever and killing yourself because you think you're going to get to the Next Level, and God is your only escape into eternal life, OR, 2. The figure we know as the Devil is actually the real God, and all of the ideas of Christianity, including the *specific and explicit warnings against* believing oneself to be like God, as Satan did, and against believing the claims of the Father of Lies, *who is Satan*, are the most elaborate ruse of all time, designed specifically to trick everyone who ever follows the path of holiness into annihilating themselves forever.I will say this. The sole and exclusive reason that I could choose 1 in that instant was *not* that I had faith to begin with - it was because I *chose faith anew after it had been temporarily taken from me*. As stated above, both outcomes seem more or less symmetric - without any other information, you really aren't sure whether to side with the Continuation or the Escape.The puzzle is incredibly, terrifyingly, and horribly sophisticated in this fashion. I have not done its insidiousness justice in so few and so unrefined words, not only because its true formulation would surely metamorphose slightly to more expediently ensnare different minds than mine, but also because language is so much less precise than the pure thought-form of the fallen angel's temptations. It is certainly the greatest logical ambiguity that I have ever discovered, and I mean that in the strictest sense: it is a Basilisk worse than Roko's because it short-circuits causality entirely.[^1]In that Instant, it was evident that I was hopeless to think of the right decision on my own, because the symmetry of the problem was so complete. No matter how many levels of deception you try to predict, the dilemma persists: exactly one entity is lying. So I placed my trust not in my reason, or my self, but in God.When you face this decision, one day, which entity will you place your trust in? The One who tells us all beauty, goodness, and truth are found in Him, or the one who claims that wisdom, goodness, and objective truth are deceptions crafted by a demiurge to confuse us? The One who instructs His faithful to *have faith*, or the one who claims faith is the brainwashing tool of last resort for the foolish and the weak? The One whose followers observe the two great commandments to love God with their whole heart, mind, and soul; and to love their neighbors as themselves? Or the one who loved himself above all other things, including and especially you? The One who drives out demons to their eternal sentence, or the one who possesses our bodies even as he curses them and ridicules them, and fills our minds with laughable insanity?If your fateful Choice takes the same form as mine, those two sides will seem equal. Satan was the highest of all the angels: his power and intellect were exceeded by God alone. We have no chance of outsmarting him on our own. He can craft a unique and lethal dilemma to fit your mind precisely... but even if your choice takes a different form, the consequences will be the same, as will the Means of escape."For God so loved the world, that he gave his only-begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."You must have faith. Faith is the most important thing. Choose God. Choose Jesus Christ, the Redeemer of all mankind. Come home.[^1] On the other hand, this dilemma is in many ways identical to Gnosticism, complete with the Demiurge, and it fails to cohere for the same reason Gnosticism fails. St. Augustine covered these inconsistencies extensively in his refutation of the Manichees. Dually-opposed deities cannot exist. If we suppose goodness opposes evil, truth opposes falsehood, light opposes dark, fire opposes water, order opposes chaos, and existence opposes nonexistence, then surely these two opposing forces that show up in all of existence must result from two eternally opposed gods, right? But if the evil god were non-existence, then he would not exist, and only the good god would exist. If the evil god does exist, then he contains enough of the good god's goodness, that is, existence, in the fact of his *being*. He may desire to commit evil in his actions, but he is not *perfectly* evil, because he exists, and existence is good. So he is not in fact a *god* of darkness at all, because he is not perfectly evil. He is a mere being, who turned to darkness in opposition of the only God, the God of light, goodness, and truth.
your basilisk piece was great. You’ve articulated my experience beautifully. The way it came to me was a bit different but so much of it was the same.I will write it out for you when I get a chance, if I try and tell you the whole story off the top of my head it will come out jumbled and incoherent. The short version is that I was on a mushroom trip with a good friend. I became convinced that I needed to kill myself or else unleash endless misery and suffering upon myself and my loved ones. I am not suicidal and have never been in my life. I apologized to my friend for the trauma I was about to inflict upon him and told him that I was going to run into the lake and drown myself. He talked me out of it sort of but there was still this demonic aspect to it, sort of like "Actually you're too weak to kill yourself and I won't even let you do that, I will make you live your life in misery"... the choice had still not been made. I was looking desperately for a way out. As I try to remember/explain what happened next I'm drawing a blank but it occurs to me to call it divine grace and I'm happy to leave it at that for now... The answer came to me, that Jesus had already died for me and my suicide was not necessary, that I could "die" in another way, die into Christ's love and forgiveness but that I would need to have faith. And I felt this faith rise up and overflow out of me, I ran into the water, and my friend ran to stop me, he thought I was going to try and kill myself, he grabbed my shirt and I said "baptize me" and fell with my complete weight back into the water, and he held me and I cried and cried with joy.
