I failed twice today, and I really enjoyed it

With extra time on hand after quitting my full time job to be a freelance writer, I decided to be useful and researched on a bunch on recipes to try. I bought my organic flour, rice milk, baking powder and even organic vanilla extract. I was really trying to be more health conscious. Never mind that organic vanilla extract cost 20 times more than the normal ones. Hey, health is wealth isn’t it? :)

The ingredients sat in my kitchen for weeks and I wasn’t even sure why I couldn’t bring myself to get started. Let’s pause for some context — O’ve never made pancakes before, I hardly cooked. The chances for screwing up my first batch of pancakes was pretty high. Every time I looked at my ingredients I would decide to myself, “Maybe I’ll have cereal and bread today.”

I wasn’t sure why I kept putting it off but I felt sufficiently good enough to do two very silly things today.

Very intuitively, I reached out for my sketch book and felt like drawing something. What would I draw? I looked around and thought that my little elephant would be an interesting subject.

Just some background info, I am no Picasso. I’ve always secretly wished I had some artistic talent. I could write, but drawing was another thing.

I can’t say I put in my 100% effort. It was a random fun sketch. But the most important thing was, I had fun. I knew I couldn’t draw, and hence had no expectations to fulfil.

When I was done, I looked at my first sketch and laughed. I had a really really good laugh, on my own. I had fun on my own. I wasn’t watching a comedy, no one told my a joke. I made myself laugh. And it was pretty rewarding.

Shortly after my failed sketches, I decided it would be a good day to make my pancakes. It was 4pm, perfect for tea. I followed this lady’s recipe http://cookieandkate.com/2015/simple-vegan-pancake-recipe/ except I used white flour and peanut oil instead.

I was hoping to achieve something like this. (Taken from the blogger’s website) I really loved fluffy pancakes and I would travel anywhere just to savour them.

I guess it’s really important that I follow instructions to make sure the pan was hot enough. I didn’t do that step… so…

The batter wasn’t entirely cooked. :(

I ended up having granola cereal for tea and while writing this blog post. Speaking of which, it’s been damn long since I’ve written for myself. But really, you’ve just got to start somewhere.

A good friend told me recently, “Denise, you write so much for other people. It’s time you started writing for myself.” That really hit home. I was going through a really dark period (full moon effects + shadow work) that journalling and writing freely helped bring clarity and release pent up emotions.

I hope to write a bit more here in the coming months.

The afternoon shenanigans was possible only because my boyfriend and I enforced some alone time, meaning NO TEXTING while APART. I’m happy I put my me time to good use and did what I’ve always wanted. I’m so happppppppppppppy right now. :)