Mourning a Choice

Photo taken by Josh Felise

Romantic relationships create the most unstable dynamic between two people — at least from what I have ever experienced. Whether you’re in a serious relationship or non-labeled fling, romantic relationships will, more times than not, leave you feeling like a part of you is gone by the end of it. And if not, either that person didn’t mean much or you are the lucky soul who found that one person you decided is right for you. But even with that commitment, comes hardships and still no actual guarantee that your partner will be there ’til the end.

It’s hard to fathom that someone you opened more than just your home to; someone that stayed constantly in the back of your mind causing the thought, “I wonder what he/she’s doing right now,” to pass through your head during quiet moments throughout the day; someone who saw you naked, physically and emotionally, in your most rawest forms and accepted it; and you, in turn, experienced sides of him/ her that not everyone will know can just be plucked out of your life.

And out of your life, NOT because of some natural disaster or powerful force keeping the both of you separate against both of your will, but from a choice. Both of you, or at least one of you, decided that life without the other person just makes more sense. And, that’s a hurtful decision to make or accept.

It’s a decision to erase the daily expectations you have of each other that at some point along the way just naturally became a routine; to take back the promises either of you made, and the words said in the moment that maybe shouldn’t have passed your lips; and lead a life pretending like the memories when you were more than just you, but both of you didn’t happen.

It’s painful that the person you’d greet with a kiss you’d only wave to from afar out of obligation, as if barely met strangers; or the person who had so much to say to keep you smiling can’t even muster up the ability to have forced awkward small talk with you. But it hurts much more to think that it doesn’t have to be that way — it’s just someone chose not to be together and believes that choice is better.

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